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People notice and comment on my weight loss at church. A lot. People I've never spoken to before come up to me and say things like, "You look so pretty." ('cuz apparently I was an ol' hag before I lost 100+ lbs.). This week an old lady came up to me and said, "You've lost weight!". "I have," I replied. "No, I mean you've lost A LOT of weight!" she responded. I didn't know what to say. Was she fishing to find out just HOW much I'd lost? How about saying something like, "Hi. I'm Mrs. So and So. Nice to meet you." before you start making comments on my appearance?
I don't mind it when people comment on my weight loss. Usually. Until what they say is so...rude? Maybe I'm just too sensitive. In truth I wasn't happy with my appearance before, but I wouldn't say I was ugly. But when did it become okay to make personal comments on people's appearance? If you do it under the guise of a compliment, does that make it okay? Like if I say something like, "Wow! That outfit is SO much nicer than the piece of crap you normally wear." is that a complement or is that just rude?
It is almost as annoying as when my family comments on all the gurgling noises I make when food goes through the band. Almost.
18 comments:
I hate those gurgles and I hear what you are saying!
Oh how I love the backhanded compliment..! "You look sooo much better than you did before!!"
Oh well, what I always tell myself when I am faced with all these new "problems" is that I would rather have these problems than be as fat as I was before! New problems = more weight loss and I will take that anyday!
Oh and did you watch the game yesterday?? What the heck happened with our ducks! I was sad... but still proud of them for making it as far as they did!
I had someone say to me "I was expecting to see an overweight monster but you've lost alot of weight" Really !!!! I've never been called a fat monster before and does that person really think I took that as a compliment! You got to feel sorry for someone like that - no filter on their mouth!!!!
You look so pretty! That's a compliment. Just take it!!! It doesn't necessarily mean anything regarding what you looked like in the past. It means "you look so pretty." Today! Maybe it's your outfit or your smile or the glow of your skin.
And as for old ladies----they just seem to all lose their filters. My grandmother still has me shaking my head in awe from this one: She looked at her sister, who was wearing a black and white dotted dress, and she said, "Mable--- I do believe you look like a COW in that dress."
For some reason, I'll never forget that line. After I heard that insensitive remark out of her mouth, all of her rude weight comments towards me didn't seem so rude. At least she didn't tell me I looked like a cow. What is it with old people just saying whatever the HELL they want??? LOL.
This happened to me twice while I was visiting home...I had my mom's hairdresser look at me and say- "Look at you! SKINNY!" and then just stand there. I felt really weird about it. I felt like it was a condescending comment. I would never walk up to someone and say, "Look at you! FATTY!" so, why do people think, because it's "skinny" it's somehow okay. My other friend did it too- she looked utterly unimpressed and then said- first thing- "you look skinny as a stick". I wanted to say- "Well, you sure don't" but of course, I have more tact than that.
I wanted to blog about this but didn't. But there is prejudice and it goes both ways. I'm glad you said something about it. I'd still rather hear "SKINNY!" than "FATTY", even if it isn't meant as a compliment! If anyone is not impressed- it's their own problem! Not ours!!
xoxox-
D
People are rude, ignore the old bag! It was a great game last night, and it could have gone either way!
I agree with Lee Ann. "You look pretty" *is* a compliment. Just smile and say "thank you" and then go on about the business of being pretty. Don't read too much into it.
Some folks just don't think before they open their pie holes.. What *in their own little world* may seem like a gracious compliment, comes out entirely different..
I had a woman at church say to me.... "you got your hair cut."
That was it! She walked away!! Now, I ask, how does one take THAT???
Have a GREAT one!!
Library patrons like to comment on my weight loss. It is very uncomfortable and not always flattering but I do think they mean well for the most part.
I agree, people are rude - but if I was in the right mood, and we couldn't have been overheard, I would have had to say to the woman: What a lovely thing for a perfect stranger to say to me. I'm sorry I don't think we've met my name is so and so and you are.....
And I also totally agree - that these are the good kind of problems to have to deal with. I personally think it's kind of nice when people do and say such rude shit - it helps me weed out the idiots I don't want to waste my time on.
I totally get what you are saying. Just make sure that the backhand part of the compliment isn't in your head. Don't take this the wrong way. It's just that I know I have a hard time accepting compliments and always end up saying something to belittle myself. "Oh you like my outfits - this old thing? I got it on sale." You know what I mean? Obviously there are jerks out there, but there are also the ones who really want to give you a compliment.
I completely understand. Ive lost 21 kilos pre-op and people say how wonderful I look. I know I should take it as a compliment but I also wonder, was I that horrid before? When I was bigger, a woman once said to me that I was lucky I was attractive otherwise I would be on the shelf....I was speechless! People are so rude and think that comments like that are fine. Its not. We just need encouraging not huge statements about our looks without even saying hello. Interesting you saying about the lady fishing for weight loss info. Ive found all those people have come out of the wood work. It definitely is a journey! :) Keep it up you are doing great!
I think when people see you after a lot of weight loss they always want to know how you did it. Most people just don't know how on earth to ask it.
When I lost weight several years ago people gave me compliment after compliment. When I gained it all back, plus 30 I often wondered what those same people must have thought. I have thought many times - what if someone would have said - WOW, you've gained weight since I saw you last! - would it have helped me change my path? I know no one would say something like that (to my face), but still. I just wonder if it actually would have helped me. I think those same people are afraid to even say anything now :) I'm just glad I know I won't be going back this time!
I agree with Tess. Mainly cos it's funny!
Sometimes I find it amazing that it takes so long!
I ran into a friend who kept telling me that I was too fat, when I saw her 20kgs lighter I thought she would say something! She didn't even notice!!!!
OMG! You're right, it's just rude.
A woman at work made a comment how I was "shrinking before her very eyes." Thought it was nice. Now, every time I see her she gives me weight loss tips. I know she thinks she's being helpful but really!?!
Best to ignore them I think. And it's church... so let's take the moral high ground. LOL.
I always feel awkward when this happens..but it does not happen as much for me because so many people have seen me lose, only to gain it back again (pre-band). So they mostly keep their mouths shut!
Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it! :)
I always get the "I don't know why you got surgery in the first place. You weren't even fat!" I love that because they are basically trying to make me feel stupid like I didn't deserve surgery. And it also feels like they are saying that I haven't made progress because there wasn't much progress to make.
Argh!
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