Friday, February 4, 2011
The "H" Word
I grew up. I had relationships. They didn't work out. In anger I was called "crazy". Being crazy was also a loaded concept for me. I took Prozac for a while. I had an eating disorder. I went to therapy and treatment. Did that mean I was crazy?
I had weight loss surgery. The big thing I believed that kept me from happiness, my weight and perhaps more importantly, a sense of normalcy with food, has finally been dealt with. Did it bring happiness?
Yes and no. Yes, I love being a smaller size. I love even more not being plagued by food demons. I feel a great deal of peace in that issue. But no, I don't "feel" different. I'm still the same person. My life didn't become perfect just because I lost weight.
Is it annoying when people use a ton of rhetorical questions to make a point? Resoundingly, YES!
Do I wish things in my life were different? Sometimes. And this is where I get stuck sometimes. I look at your lives and the lives of others around me and I think, "Gee, their husband has a full-time job." Or, "They have enough money to sneak off for a weekend trip." or "They have health insurance." or "They get to take their kids to Disneyworld." or "They have beautiful homes."
But of course I know that you can't look at the lives of others and know how things really are for them. No one's life is exempt from misfortune and pain.
So please disregard my post from yesterday. I'm not unhappy. I was under the influence of hormones. I feel much better today. I have everything I need and some things I want. Who can ask for more than that?