Down 4.2 this week!

Today is my weigh-day and I am down another 4.2 lbs (1.9 Kg.). for a total of 34.8 (15.79 Kg.). I am 9 weeks post-op tomorrow.

I won't be weighing again for two weeks since next week is...for lack of a better term my "bye week". Every month I have one funky week where my weight goes up for no apparent reason. I attribute it to hormones (although it isn't my TOM). Bye week inevitably leaves me feeling like a loser so I've decided to skip that weigh-day.

I am THRILLED to be losing weight so steadily. Before my lap-band my efforts to lose weight were more like exercises in futility. I lost weight so excruciatingly slowly. Eventually I would give up. My last serious diet effort lasted six months, during which time I lost 25 lbs. (11.34 Kg.). Any meals out, holidays, or family dinner parties would set me back another week and of course during bye week I would gain for no reason.

I am not exactly sure why I am having an easier time of it with the lap-band. I know I am eating less (I average 1,200 - 1,300 calories/day. I think my daily target on WW was 1,500 plus flex points and exercise points - probably closer to 1,800/day). I am also trying to eat more protein. I was definitely a carbatarian before!

Really the greatest thing that is going on right now is that I feel like I have the power to get this problem under control, once and for all. I've always felt like I "knew" the answers, but I thought they just didn't work for me. Like everyone says that being a vegetarian is healthy and that kind of diet is an easy way to control your weight. But I've been a vegetarian for 17 years and am 80 lbs. (36.29 Kg.) overweight (OMG - did I just identify a GOAL weight???)! I've also always been someone who exercises regularly (not sweating in the gym exercise but walking every morning and riding my bike a few times a week). It was so frustrating to feel like I was a person to whom health and fitness were important on the inside with an exterior that clearly didn't match that philosophy. Maybe that's part of the reason that I was often surprised to catch my reflection in mirrors or see how big I was in pictures - I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A FAT PERSON ON THE INSIDE.

Which is not to suggest that I have it all figured out. I definitely don't, but I know I am on the right track. It isn't just about following a food plan and eating less, either. I am learning to listen to my body. I am learning to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. There are time when I haven't eaten very much, but do not eat more because I am not hungry. There are also times when I've eaten a lot (Sunday was a 1,500 calorie day and Monday was 1,700) and am completely satisfied and feel no guilt about eating dessert or chips or whatever. I am beginning to trust myself. In a real way. Ever since I could remember, I feared that if I ate what I wanted, I would gain 100 lbs. (45.36 Kg.). I felt like my appetite for food was HUMONGOUS and could never be satisfied. I was a normal weight for most of my life until seven years ago, but I didn't trust myself with food. I felt out of control. I would eat as much as I could justify at every opportunity. Meals were like events. Every day. Practically every meal. Now meals are about nourishment. I still eat what sounds good, but I also plan out my meals based on protein and calories. I have discovered that nourishing my body also nourishes my soul. Trusting myself with food is far more satisfying than trying to feed an appetite that can never be full.

Give me just a minute to put away my soap box. If you are still reading this, please know that I realize I am in the honeymoon phase with my lap-band. I'm just so dang happy to finally be learning to be true to myself! Thanks for coming along for the ride.