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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Down 4.2 this week!


Today is my weigh-day and I am down another 4.2 lbs (1.9 Kg.). for a total of 34.8 (15.79 Kg.). I am 9 weeks post-op tomorrow.

I won't be weighing again for two weeks since next week is...for lack of a better term my "bye week". Every month I have one funky week where my weight goes up for no apparent reason. I attribute it to hormones (although it isn't my TOM). Bye week inevitably leaves me feeling like a loser so I've decided to skip that weigh-day.

I am THRILLED to be losing weight so steadily. Before my lap-band my efforts to lose weight were more like exercises in futility. I lost weight so excruciatingly slowly. Eventually I would give up. My last serious diet effort lasted six months, during which time I lost 25 lbs. (11.34 Kg.). Any meals out, holidays, or family dinner parties would set me back another week and of course during bye week I would gain for no reason.

I am not exactly sure why I am having an easier time of it with the lap-band. I know I am eating less (I average 1,200 - 1,300 calories/day. I think my daily target on WW was 1,500 plus flex points and exercise points - probably closer to 1,800/day). I am also trying to eat more protein. I was definitely a carbatarian before!

Really the greatest thing that is going on right now is that I feel like I have the power to get this problem under control, once and for all. I've always felt like I "knew" the answers, but I thought they just didn't work for me. Like everyone says that being a vegetarian is healthy and that kind of diet is an easy way to control your weight. But I've been a vegetarian for 17 years and am 80 lbs. (36.29 Kg.) overweight (OMG - did I just identify a GOAL weight???)! I've also always been someone who exercises regularly (not sweating in the gym exercise but walking every morning and riding my bike a few times a week). It was so frustrating to feel like I was a person to whom health and fitness were important on the inside with an exterior that clearly didn't match that philosophy. Maybe that's part of the reason that I was often surprised to catch my reflection in mirrors or see how big I was in pictures - I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A FAT PERSON ON THE INSIDE.

Which is not to suggest that I have it all figured out. I definitely don't, but I know I am on the right track. It isn't just about following a food plan and eating less, either. I am learning to listen to my body. I am learning to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. There are time when I haven't eaten very much, but do not eat more because I am not hungry. There are also times when I've eaten a lot (Sunday was a 1,500 calorie day and Monday was 1,700) and am completely satisfied and feel no guilt about eating dessert or chips or whatever. I am beginning to trust myself. In a real way. Ever since I could remember, I feared that if I ate what I wanted, I would gain 100 lbs. (45.36 Kg.). I felt like my appetite for food was HUMONGOUS and could never be satisfied. I was a normal weight for most of my life until seven years ago, but I didn't trust myself with food. I felt out of control. I would eat as much as I could justify at every opportunity. Meals were like events. Every day. Practically every meal. Now meals are about nourishment. I still eat what sounds good, but I also plan out my meals based on protein and calories. I have discovered that nourishing my body also nourishes my soul. Trusting myself with food is far more satisfying than trying to feed an appetite that can never be full.

Give me just a minute to put away my soap box. If you are still reading this, please know that I realize I am in the honeymoon phase with my lap-band. I'm just so dang happy to finally be learning to be true to myself! Thanks for coming along for the ride.

14 comments:

DawnB said...

FANTASTIC _ You are totally rockin' this Band!!!!
I agree it just seems to me like finally I have this under control & have no real desire to stray from this way of life or give up on myself! YAY for YOU!!!!

Stephanie said...

Is the 1200 to 1300 calories your total intake before or after figuring in exercise calories? I am trying to figure out how to work that myself and find my right "zone". I can totally relate to how you feel and I am so glad you wrote about this, bcause it makes me feel good knowing someone else feels the same way. I am starting to understand the feeling I am having when I eat and am understanding my desires vs. my need to eat.

Way cool on your weight loss. You are doing totally awesome!!

tessierose said...

You always deliver with your posts. Congrats on the big loss and on learning to trust yourself. That was my word of the year this year and it's hard to do. I'm proud of you.

Jenny said...

SO jealous of your 4.2!! You are doing awesome!

workinprogress said...

Wow- over 4 pounds this week - that's amazing!

congratulations - you are doing so well :-)

Bonnie said...

I'm so glad things are going well. A lot of people use their posts to vent, me included, but it can be scary to hear all the negative things related to a band when you are planning to have surgery in a few months. This really assures me that I'm making the right decision. Thanks!

amandakiska said...

Stephanie - Those calorie figures are what I actually eat. I don't factor out calories I burn off while exercising.

Bonnie - I am probably going to write a "venting" post tomorrow because my skinny co-worker is driving me crazy! She has been eating jello cheese cake for three days now. She says that she makes a new cake everyday. I also saw her eat flaming hot cheetos and a regular coke earlier. And she is SKINNY! I hate her so much! JK!

Linda said...

What a huge week!! I hope I pull one of those soon.

Sandy Lee said...

So happy you are getting some results. I know the same "dieting" mentality was bad for me-too slow and never worked. I think it is hard sometimes to come to terms with the band actually working this time. I still have this bit of skepticism but that too is disappearing.

Gen said...

OMG I totally understand your feelings - of control and finally trusting yourself. It is the best. You will have ups and downs but mostly the band is one big honeymoon! Way to go on that loss!

Jacquie said...

You are doing awesome Amanda! This was another great post.

Deb said...

Hey congrats Amanda! I totally understand about the "trusting in yourself" part, AND isn't it GREAT!!! (I know I was pulling the smug face when I typed those words *lol*)

Barbara said...

Wow.. you have a great perspective and outlook on this.. and what a super great WL 4.2 lbs.. I think that we tend to beat ourselves up too much.. and I like that you do not view this as a diet.. it's just the new you shinning through!.. great job..

RC said...

You are really doing a fantastic job and I am so happy that you are in such a GREAT place! I laughed out loud when I read 'carbatarian' - too funny! I think I was before and its been hard for me to eat less pasta and french bread! You sound confident and happy and best of all you are a success! I look forward to watching your progress!!