Fill #2

I had my second fill today - 1 cc to give me a total of 2.7 cc's. Everything went really well. I'm hoping for some good restriction. It would be nice to not have to do all the work myself.

So far so good - I had some thin soup and I feel stuffed. I have that weird neck/shoulder pain that I get if I eat too fast or eat too much and all I've had is soup.

I've also been thinking about my less-than-stellar weigh in this week. I wrote on Wednesday that I had only lost one pound (.45 Kg.) which brings my grand total to 35.8 lbs. (16.24 Kg.) since 2/12/10. I had been losing 3-4 lbs. (1.36 - 1.81 Kg.) per week three weeks of the month (I skip one week - my bye week) so a one pound loss was kind of discouraging.

I've been overweight for seven years and during that time weight loss has been sooooo difficult. The last time I went on a "diet" I lost 25 lbs. in six months. Now some would look at that and say that it shouldn't matter how long it takes, a loss is a loss. But for me when I was in that space, it was almost painful to lose so slowly. And because the losses were so small, any extra calories - from a meal out, a birthday party, whatever - would set me back a whole week without a loss.

I always had times where I would diet and not lose any weight at all - for no reason that I could figure out. All those years of frustration were so horrible. I had a serious aversion to even talking about trying to lose weight. So that one lb. sort of triggers that desperation and frustration.

Since getting the lap band, my weight loss has been pretty good and fast (other than the bye week). I realize now that my prior efforts failed because I was just eating too much. On Weight Watchers I was told to eat about 1,800 calories a day. Now I try to eat 1,200 - 1,300 calories a day. I hope this fill will allow me to drop that amount down, especially if my weigh loss is slowing down. So I'd like to fast forward through the week and get to my next weigh in.

Have a great weekend! They are calling for nice weather here in the Pac NW. Good thing because my daughter has soccer games all weekend.

100!!!

I wish I was reporting a 100 lb. (45.35 Kg.) loss, but this is the next best thing! I have 100 followers! I can't believe it. Apparently 100 people are interested in what I have to say. I feel like one of the popular kids!

This blog has meant so much to me and I appreciate each and every one of you so much. Thank you for your support, your love, and your advice.

BTW - Am I the only one self-consious about exclamation point use? I swear every time I comment on a post, I use about 50 of the buggers. I'm just so dang excited for this fantastic group!

New Blogger

Greetings Blogland! Be sure to check out Christine's blog: http://christine-magiccatpurrs.blogspot.com/

It is brand new and she is being banded in 13 days!

Thank you!

Thank you all for your support yesterday. I read new comments throughout the day and it made me feel so good. A couple times I had tears in my eyes. I would love to go get that margarita, Genise. And several of you sent bad ju-ju and offers of vandalism to those people who own that rental house. Stephanie sent a private email which was so sweet. You guys are awesome and I am overwhelmed by your concern!

For the first time in a long time, I really wanted to binge last night. I had a weird dinner (crackers & peanut butter), but I managed to resist the urge to binge. Instead I read a book (Dan Brown's newest) and watched Modern Family (soooo funny!) and went to bed.

I'm getting my second fill tomorrow morning. For some reason, I am reluctant to have fills. I don't know why. Most of you are always clamoring to get another fill. I have posted about this before, but I think that my brain may be attempting to sabotage my efforts by trying to convince me that I don't need one. I know that addicts often put themselves in situations where they use and I think it is the same for me. So I have scheduled my fills as directed. I do need a fill. I don't have much restriction. Plus that 2-day liquid diet should jump-start my weight-loss.

Welcome to my pity party. No gifts please.

Okay maybe a little gift.

I am having kind of a crappy day so far. I met with some people about managing their rental house a while ago and I drove by the house this morning to see a For Rent sign from another company in the yard. Is it wrong to hope it sits vacant for six months and someone moves in and turns it into a meth lab? I had talked to them and figured they probably weren't going to hire me, but it was kind of a slap in the face to see the sign. I know them from church so I was hoping that they would give me a chance.

And I really, really need the money. I have less than $20 in my checking account and more than a week until pay day.

I also weighed in this morning and I only lost one pound (.45 Kg.). I was bummed. I know I should be happy with the loss and BLAH BLAH BLAH....

My sister/co-worker didn't show up to work yesterday until 5:00 PM! WTF?! I get OFF work at 5:00 PM. I don't show up then. She didn't work at all on Friday OR Monday. I seriously think she is depressed and having a hard time coping with life. I'm having a hard time mustering up sympathy.

I used to think that people who were willing to work hard and live modestly ended up getting ahead, but now I think maybe it is the people who are willing to use others and take advantage of people who get ahead. How messed up is that?

Food? Whatever...

The strangest thing has happened. I am no longer obsessed with food. I actually have a hard time imagining food that sounds good or that I want to eat. This makes advance meal planning kind of annoying. I stand in the kitchen each morning and try to decide what I want to eat for breakfast and lunch. Nothing sounds interesting. It is only when I am actually hungry that I can muster up interest in food.

The other night at the movies, I ate part of a candy bar and decided I didn't want anymore. It was actually too sweet. WTF?!?! This has NEVER happened to me before.

Thoughts about food have been my constant companion for as long as I can remember. If I was dieting, they became magnified. This is like something out of a Body Snatcher's movie!

I don't know how or why, but I'll take it!

Happy Monday!

Springtime in the Northwest is a curious thing. Saturday and Sunday were beautiful days - warm, sunny - PERFECT! Today it is wet, cold and soooo windy!

I tried to have a less-busy weekend and I pretty much succeeded. Partly because my sister took my youngest daughter to the beach for the weekend. It was all well and good until their car broke down last night on the way home and they had to ride in a police car back to town to find a hotel. I had to drive over and pick them up this morning. My other daughter had a soccer game on Saturday (Go WILDCATS!!!). I did some laundry, scrubbed the bathrooms and went to visit my mom. Oh and I saw Remember Me at the second-run movie theater on Friday night. My fella cut the grass so I didn't have to do that. He has also been busy getting our garden ready for planting and taking care of the chickens. Yes, we have chickens even though we live in the city. It is a huge fad in Oregon. That and canning our own veggies. Yes, I do that too.

Yesterday I was sorting through some clothes and I tried on three pairs of size 20 pants. One was too big, one was too small and one pair of jeans went up and zipped, but gave me muffin top so I will wait a bit before wearing them. I also wore a XL top to church. I am sort of between sizes right now. My 22s are too big, but the
20s are too small. I am confident that they will fit great in a few weeks.

I wanted to thank you all for your suggestions on my co-worker post last week. I don't know why I neglected to say that this co-worker is my sister. So turning her into our boss isn't an option. We are both property managers and manage different properties, but a huge part of that job is being available when people come to the office or call and so that is the work that falls on me. I actually have talked to her about it several times and she always just laughs and says she's a flake. Really the problem is that she hates her job and has some family issues going on that she is having a hard time dealing with. So her "solution" is to stay in bed until noon every day and avoid work, housecleaning, doing her taxes and all of the other things she needs to do.

Well, I think that is about it. I am trying to get caught up on your posts in my few quiet moments today. Also I am going to schedule a fill for this week or next. I always want to put those off. I don't know why, but I'm going to make myself do it until I feel like I have perfect restriction because I suspect that my brain is trying to set me up to fail.

A little backbone?

I am doing some soul-searching these days about my role in some situations in which I feel taken advantage of. I've blogged about some of these things before, but mainly I have this situation at my job where my co-worker (who is also a good friend) has been taking lots of time off and showing up to work late on a daily basis - late by several hours. This has been going on for a couple of years. The end result is that she does a few things and I do a thousand things. She makes the same money as I do.

I have other past and current relationships with similar dynamics. In the past I've blamed the person taking advantage and felt resentful, but what I want to figure out is what I am doing and putting out there to make it okay for people to treat me this way.

I honestly have no idea whatsoever what to change, but I know I have to establish clearer boundries and learn to stand up for myself. I wanted to ask all of you guys if you have any experience in this sort of situation and, if so, what have you done?

New Blogger

I just noticed I had a new follower, Hiliary, and she is just beginning her lap-band journey. Check out her blog and give her some support:

http://imaginingskinny.blogspot.com

Don't worry, 'bout a thing. Oh - every little thing is gonna be alright!

Thank you Bob Marley's song Three Little Birds for the title to this post. I'm sending this little ear worm out to Blogland today because I think we could all use it!

I had this amazing sense of peace on Saturday. I felt overwhelmingly that everything was going to be okay. It may not work out the way I want or hope, but things are looking up! I am not typically especially optimistic so this feeling was such a blessing.

There are several issues going on in my life right now. Money is behind many of them. Unfortunately I had to tap into my (meager) savings recently to just have enough money to live on. I went into this year with the goal of increasing my savings. I even saved part of my Christmas bonus for a rainy day which came too quickly when my fella lost his source of income in January. I have been the main breadwinner in our family for years, but we rely on his contribution. We are fine for now and through the summer, but there isn't any vacation money. Sports, clothing and summer camp for the kids are potentially not going to happen. About a year and a half ago, I whittled down all the "extra" household expenses - internet, expensive cable package, meals out, coffee drinks, books. Really I've cut out all the extras and now there isn't much that can go!

But I'm not freaked out about it. Normally I am a worrier, but I know that worrying won't help the issue so I am trying to let it sort itself out. There are some things in the works that could come together to make things 100% better in a few months and I am content to sit back and let it happen.

Every year the ladies from my church go on retreat to Suttle Lake, outside of Sisters, Oregon. One year I made a list of all my troubles, hopes, dreams, desires. Since then I have looked at the list every year or so and written the date of items that have been resolved. It is amazing to look at issues that seemed so big and then be able to write a date that they were resolved. Some of the things on the list were wishes and desires and many of them have been resolved too. I attribute these things to God, but I think this is a powerful exercise for anyone - not just those of us who are religious.

One of the biggest issues that has consistently appeared on my list is MY WEIGHT ISSUE - caps and bolded. I feel like now, once and for all, I can consider this issue in the process of being resolved. My lap band is a powerful tool that is playing a huge role in this resolution, but it is more than that. I am discovering that the compulsion for food is going away. I am not on a diet that creates even more food obsession, as diets generally do. I am finally learning to listen to my body and eat according to its needs. All the years of dieting and believing that I needed some external force to tell me what and when to eat and when to stop eating is being replaced with the desire and ability to hear my body tell me what and when to eat and when to stop. A diet would have me measure out a portion and I would eat every bit of it, but now I am often stopping before the portion is consumed because I am full. I know my lap band is sending really strong "full" signals to my brain at times, but not always. Oftentimes it is my brain that is simply recognizing that I have had enough - not because I've finished the portion, but because I feel full. This seems so simple and intuitive. I wonder how we can ever lose sight of this, but I know we do.

I was thinking about this process as I walked this morning. We all start off as babies who pretty much eat when they are hungry and stop when they've had enough. But very early on we start to receive messages (both explicit and implicit) from our families about what we should eat. These messages can be as seemingly-benign as the types of foods our families prepare to specific messages from our families about cleaning our plates or eating specific foods due to their healthful properties. At the same time, we start absorbing societal messages about body types and food. We see actors and models and we begin to adopt these messages about what people "should" look like. Everyone, even "normal" eaters, has these experiences.

But I think something different happens to those of us who eventually develop weight problems. We begin to self-identify as different from others and in need of something external to make us okay. We might hear these messages from family or friends who tell us we are too fat or are going to get fat or we might come up with this on our own, but something occurs differently for us than for the "normals". Eventually we decide (or are told) it is a diet and/or exercise program that will "fix" us. But no one tells us that what we really need is to regain our innate ability to know when we are hungry or when we are full.

It is really sad that most of us come to this realization when we are very young. I was probably 10 years old when I first felt out of control with food and in need of a diet. 26 years later, I am still struggling with the legacy of this destructive pattern.

It is such a relief to know that I can fix this. I have felt out of control and hopeless for so long, but no more! Which is why I, "Don't worry, 'bout a thing. Oh - every little thing is gonna be alright!"

Random thoughts...

I have decided to re-name my blog. I picked the current name with zero thought whatsoever and I hate it! It is so generic. I am thinking of something like, "Welcome to Amandalandia, a suburb of Bandland". Still mulling that over...

We had beautiful weather in Eugene, Oregon over the weekend. My youngest daughter had her "friend" birthday party on Saturday. We went really low-key (and cheap - lol) and had a party at our house. I walked the kids to the park for an hour and then we walked back for cupcakes.

My seven-year-old (the birthday girl) is really a character. She has a dynamic personality - very charismatic. One of her school mates told me at the party that he was one of Bryn's minions. He seemed really pleased by the news. So I asked her later how many minions she had. She said she has four minions. I asked what being one of her minions means and she told me it means they get to follow her around and she gets to name them. I posted this story on Facebook and one of my friends suggested we call the minions her "Brynions" since my daughter's name is Bryn.

It takes a special kind of girl to have minions. It requires a certain level of confidence. I am pretty sure I've never been the sort of girl that would have them. My sister could have had minions. She's always been very charismatic. All my friends wanted to be her friends. Hell, all of my childhood boyfriends wanted to be her boyfriend too!

With the nice weather, I was able to get lots of activity in over the weekend. I mowed the lawn, weeded and planted some flowers. I also rode my bike to church Sunday morning. I walk my dog in the park every day so I did that too. I also bathed the dog and did my usual weekend house-cleaning. It was a nice weekend, but it wasn't very relaxing. Sigh. Maybe next weekend.

My food and eating has been pretty good, but I don't have much restriction so I feel like I am having to be really diligent. I had my last fill 3/31 so I am thinking of scheduling another one in the next couple of weeks.

New Blogger

Happy Friday Blogland! Check out my new follower, Cindy: http://cindylewwho.blogspot.com/

She will be banded this month and has a new blog!

Down 4.2 this week!

Today is my weigh-day and I am down another 4.2 lbs (1.9 Kg.). for a total of 34.8 (15.79 Kg.). I am 9 weeks post-op tomorrow.

I won't be weighing again for two weeks since next week is...for lack of a better term my "bye week". Every month I have one funky week where my weight goes up for no apparent reason. I attribute it to hormones (although it isn't my TOM). Bye week inevitably leaves me feeling like a loser so I've decided to skip that weigh-day.

I am THRILLED to be losing weight so steadily. Before my lap-band my efforts to lose weight were more like exercises in futility. I lost weight so excruciatingly slowly. Eventually I would give up. My last serious diet effort lasted six months, during which time I lost 25 lbs. (11.34 Kg.). Any meals out, holidays, or family dinner parties would set me back another week and of course during bye week I would gain for no reason.

I am not exactly sure why I am having an easier time of it with the lap-band. I know I am eating less (I average 1,200 - 1,300 calories/day. I think my daily target on WW was 1,500 plus flex points and exercise points - probably closer to 1,800/day). I am also trying to eat more protein. I was definitely a carbatarian before!

Really the greatest thing that is going on right now is that I feel like I have the power to get this problem under control, once and for all. I've always felt like I "knew" the answers, but I thought they just didn't work for me. Like everyone says that being a vegetarian is healthy and that kind of diet is an easy way to control your weight. But I've been a vegetarian for 17 years and am 80 lbs. (36.29 Kg.) overweight (OMG - did I just identify a GOAL weight???)! I've also always been someone who exercises regularly (not sweating in the gym exercise but walking every morning and riding my bike a few times a week). It was so frustrating to feel like I was a person to whom health and fitness were important on the inside with an exterior that clearly didn't match that philosophy. Maybe that's part of the reason that I was often surprised to catch my reflection in mirrors or see how big I was in pictures - I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A FAT PERSON ON THE INSIDE.

Which is not to suggest that I have it all figured out. I definitely don't, but I know I am on the right track. It isn't just about following a food plan and eating less, either. I am learning to listen to my body. I am learning to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. There are time when I haven't eaten very much, but do not eat more because I am not hungry. There are also times when I've eaten a lot (Sunday was a 1,500 calorie day and Monday was 1,700) and am completely satisfied and feel no guilt about eating dessert or chips or whatever. I am beginning to trust myself. In a real way. Ever since I could remember, I feared that if I ate what I wanted, I would gain 100 lbs. (45.36 Kg.). I felt like my appetite for food was HUMONGOUS and could never be satisfied. I was a normal weight for most of my life until seven years ago, but I didn't trust myself with food. I felt out of control. I would eat as much as I could justify at every opportunity. Meals were like events. Every day. Practically every meal. Now meals are about nourishment. I still eat what sounds good, but I also plan out my meals based on protein and calories. I have discovered that nourishing my body also nourishes my soul. Trusting myself with food is far more satisfying than trying to feed an appetite that can never be full.

Give me just a minute to put away my soap box. If you are still reading this, please know that I realize I am in the honeymoon phase with my lap-band. I'm just so dang happy to finally be learning to be true to myself! Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Loving the band!

I've been thinking a lot about my lap band lately. Specifically I have been wondering if I could have been as successful with weight loss without it. Not that I am regretting it or anything - quite the opposite actually. I guess I am just curious and I want to understand this process and why it works for me.

I have noticed that the lap band sort of mimics some of the healthy habits that "normal" eaters utilize. For example, the lap band encourages a person to chew thouroughly and eat slowly. This reminds me of some of the diet advice that I've heard over the years, but I believe that most people without food issues naturally eat slower.

The lap band also gives clear signals when a person has had enough to eat. I think this is one of the innate skills that a lot of people with weight issues lose the ability to recognize. Actually what I think is that years of dieting kill this ability. Diets tell you when to eat and how much to eat, but they don't encourage you to listen to your own body's signals.

I did Weight Watchers for many years with varying degrees of success. I don't neccessarily think WW is a bad program. It is probably a good program as far as food plans go. I bring it up because I can remember a few times getting to the end of the day and having "points" left. So I would eat more even though I wasn't hungry. This is what I mean by diets encouraging a person not to listen to their body's signals. I wasn't hungry. I'd had enough to eat for the day. But I had "points" left! So I ate some more.

For me the lap band has given me back something that diets could not. It has returned to me some of the natural skills that we are all born with to recognize hunger and, conversly, to recognize fullness. I am quite sure that withought the lap band I could have gone on a diet and lost weight for awhile like I've done in the past, but I don't believe I would have regained these abilities.

I had two family get-togethers in the last two days, went to the movies and ate out once. All of these situations could have been problematic for me, but they weren't. The restaurant I visited was Burgerville, a gourmet fast-food restaurant in the Pacific Northwest. They don't have one of these restaurants in the city I live in - the nearest one is an hour away in Corvalis. So I don't go there much (In fact it was one of the places that I didn't hit on my tour of "last meals" pre-band becuase of the distance.). But since we were traveling through Corvalis on the way to Vancouver, Washington, we chose Burgerville for lunch. Since my girls and I are vegetarians, we usually get cheese sandwiches there with their special sauce. They also have a couple of Garden Burgers on the menu, but the cheese sandwiches are better. Pre-band I would have ordered two sandwiches for me and fries and a cup of sauce to dip the fries into as well as a diet soda. I had to really think about ordering two sandwiches this time. I tried to talk myself into it (We NEVER come here, I won't get one again for who knows how long...), but I decided one would probably be enough. I did get the fries and dipping sauce. I ate the whole sandwich, but there was no way I could make it through all the fries. I probably had half of a small. My meal wasn't even the size of the kid's meal. If I had been on a diet without the band, I know I would have eaten more, but I physically couldn't.

So I guess the point of this post is that I love my band! I am so happy that I have it. Deciding to do it wasn't easy, but I can now see that it was the right choice for me. The other point of the post is that Burgerville is YUMMY, but listening to my body is BETTER!

Hopelessly out of touch

I am probably never going to get caught up on all your posts and I am so sorry! Work has gotten really busy. I don't have a computer at home (just internet on my cell but it doesn't support blogger very well). I really miss you guys and will try to read as much as I can and post as often as I can.

I tried on a bunch of clothes today from my closet and several things fit that I couldn't get into a couple of weeks ago. Yeah!

I am processing through some thoughts today that I hope will turn into a post on Monday. Something about self-worth and being worth the effort.

I just dropped my daughters off at a slumber party so I am a free woman for the next 18 hours! Woo hoo! Party! Actually I am going to see The Blind Side with one of my best friends, my mom (Everybody say, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh"). Tomorrow I am driving up to Vancouver, Washington (where I grew up) to celebrate all of the April birthdays with my family. Monday is my youngest's seventh birthday. I'm thinking there will be some CAKE in my future!

Happy Thursday!

This is a picture that was taken of me when I was 19 years old as part of an ad campaign I did for the Dairy Farmers of Oregon. Wasn't I cute? I think I weighed about 150 there. Notice I hardly had any boobs and I look really pale. I'm pretty sure I thought I was fat. Pathetic! My modeling career was pretty short-lived. I did that campaign and a national ad for Weight Watchers Magazine. I guess that was my 15 minutes of fame.

Today was my weekly weigh-in and I lost 3.6 lbs. (1.6 Kg.). This means that I hit my 10% and then some. My total weight loss is 30.6 lbs. (13.9 Kg.) since my pre-op weight on 2/5/10. I am 8 weeks post-op tomorrow.

I should probably just get one of those tickers for my page that everybody else has, but I know I would have to put in a goal weight and I don't have one. I'd like to lose 100 lbs. (45.4 Kg.). That would put me at about the size I was when I got pregnant with my second daughter. I felt good at that size. But if I shoot for 125 lbs. (56.7 Kg.) I might look like that pretty girl with all those neck/shoulder bones at the top of thise post. That would be nice too...

Don’t freak out, but I think someone is watching us!

So apparently there is a person in my life who is reading my blog and pulling out details with which she is using to make it appear that she and I are…connected somehow for a lack of a better word to describe it. Now I realize that a blog is a public forum and that I shouldn’t be surprised if someone I know in “real life” is reading it. The fact is that I don’t say anything here that is truly private. But it still bothers me that someone would use my information in this way.

I look at this blog as a support group of sorts. This lap band is a whole new life for me and having access to so many others who have been there or are hoping to be there (or are sharing some of the same experiences in a different way) is invaluable. I realize that I don’t always process things the way “normal” people do. I got into this situation by stuffing my feelings and I need to bounce ideas and thoughts off a bunch of people to make sure I am heading in the right direction. I want to be successful and I think that having this forum available to me is an important part of my progress. But if I have to sensor myself and wonder how the things I write might be twisted and used to hurt people I care about, I’m not sure I can continue blogging.

So I guess I want to use this post to ask this person to knock it off. It is creepy to lurk into my life and exploit my struggles for your own means. If you want access to my life and my family’s life, you have already been told how to make that happen. If you want to read my blog, be my guest. It is public after all, but don’t use the information that you find here to attempt to insinuate that we are best buds who share our trials and tribulations with one another. Because we are not.

I am not impressed by lies and manipulations. I don’t play those games. I believe real, healthy relationships are based on trust. I trust that my “followers” read my blog and support my efforts. They are like my own little cheerleading section and I need them. So please don’t ruin it for me, okay?

A mixed bag

My dad came to visit yesterday afternoon and give me and my daughter guitar lessons. We have a deal where I give him gas money and feed him in exchange for the lessons (he lives 100 miles away). Usually my sister and her (large) family come too. Last night she agreed to provide dinner (we try to take turns). She brought stuff to make sandwiches. I was supposed to be on mushies after my fill Wednesday. Do sandwiches count as mushies? Remember that my dad doesn’t know about the lap band.

I decided I’d have a sandwich because I was LITERALLY starving. I biked to work again yesterday and home which is about six miles all together. All I had to eat all day was a protein drink and a cup of soup and part of an Orange Julius (Couldn’t finish it all – YES!). I tried these bagels my sister got at Costco. They are regular bagel size, but much thinner and only 110 calories (4 grams of protein). I thought I’d only be able to eat half the sandwich and some chips but I ate the WHOLE thing. I did start feeling full part way through, but I pressed on and finished it. I figured the entire sandwich at 500 calories so even with the chips, I was fine for the day calorie-wise, but I was a little surprised I could eat the whole thing after my fill. I was also (for the first time) continuing to eat after I got my first “full” signal because the damn thing tasted so good and I was f-ing STARVING!

So I am not really sure how to feel about it. On one hand it is no big deal. I stayed on goal with the calories for the day. With the exercise, I did even better. But on the other hand, I kept eating when I probably should have stopped. And I’m kind of bummed that I didn’t get much restriction. There have been several times where I felt like I couldn’t physically eat any more. Yesterday I didn’t feel like that. The up-side is that I think this will help me be better prepared for Easter Dinner. I know I need to be diligent and really pay attention so I don’t over do it.

First First

I want to start off by saying that I am so far behind on blogs this week. I read a few and then need to get back to work. It is starting to be my busy season so I'm afraid it won't get better until October.

I had my first fill yesterday and it went pretty well. I did make one mistake though. I didn't have anything to eat before and was left starving and unable to eat after the fill. I was told not to eat anything for four hours before the appointment. Since it was at 1:00 PM, I decided not to eat anything because I don't get hungry until 10:00 AM and that would be too late. So I had coffee in the morning and a protein drink at 10:00. I guess I thought I wouldn't be hungry after the fill - ya know, like when you're first banded. WRONG!

I just red Kristen's post about her last minute foods before her fill and I realized I need to plan better next time.

But I digress. Back to the fill. I was meeting my fill doc for the first time and I am relieved that I really liked her, especially since the next fill option would be 50 miles away. She is a little bit of a wacka-doo, but in a good way. My fella came along. He didn't get to acompany me for the surgery so I guess he wanted to feel included. It was really funny though because he kept answering questions to the doctor ABOUT HIMSELF and not about me. She spent more than an hour with us and took a really detailed history. She also talked a lot about diet. She is a Naturopathic Physcian so she's all about the weird foods. Even though I am a vegetarian, I eat very plainly. No flax, tempeh, dahl, or seaweed. I like very few types of beans and legumes. I also tend to eat the same foods over and over. But she couldn't argue with my results!

The fill itself was very easy. She found my port without any issue and gave me 1.7 CC's. She said my band would hold up to 4 CC's. She had me sit up with the needle sticking out of my belly and drink water. She wanted me to feel the water stop momentarily at the band and then go down, but I couldn't feel the water at all! I mean, I felt it in my mouth, but not at my band. Sometimes when I eat, I do feel things go through the band - like my bottom stomach will be growling and I know the food hasn't made its way down there yet. Anyway it was kind of frustrating to not be able to know if I was getting enough of a fill based on the information she was seeking.

I was on clear liquids until this afternoon and now I can have mushies. Back to normal tomorrow. I got super full on a Orange Juilius earlier so I think I have good restriction.

My dad is coming this evening so I'm not sure how I'll handle that. I haven't told him about the band yet and now I can't eat regular food. He gives me and my daughter guitar lessons, but lives about two hours away so we haven't gotten together for awhile.

When I told him this was a good night, I forgot that it is Maundy Thursday. This is the celebration of the Last Supper and my church does some really cool things so I'd like to go. I also have a busy work schedule tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be able to slip out to go to Good Friday services. We have a video presentation that plays along with U2 music that is so cool and powerful!

I am also looking forward to Easter Dinner. Not for the food so much, but because I will be able to enjoy my meal without pigging out and going crazy. We've had a few family get-togethers since I was banded and I've loved dishing a small plate of food and eating it slowly. I used to eat so much BEFORE the dinner that I wouldn't even be hungry for the meal, but I'd eat it anyway. And of course I'd feel just awful. Who'd have thought that I'd actually enjoy eating slowly and savoring every bite?

And the winner is...

A few days ago, I was actually given TWO blog awards. The Sunshine Award came from Kathy, who, like me, is an Oregonian. She was banded in March 2008 and has lost an AMAZING 93 pounds (42.18 Kg)! I so appreciate the suggestions and wisdom from the veteran bandsters like Kathy.

I also received the Stiletto Award from LDSwims . She is still jumping through the insurance hoops, but has a unique perspective and is so brave in the face of personal adversity.

Thank you both and all of my friends here in Bandland. I feel like I get to go to a support group meeting every day with a wonderful group of people. We are really fortunate to have found each other!

Now I am supposed to pass the awards on to 12 others (Really 22 others, but I'm not going to do that. I do have to work, you know.). I want to say first that I have gained wisdom and support from EACH and EVERY one of the authors of the blogs that I follow. I am pretty new to blogging and I never imagined that it would be so informative, rewarding and enriching. So please select whichever award you would like or take them both. YOU deserve it! So here is my list, in no particular order.

Stephanie - A new bandster whose blog is full of honesty and humor.
tessierose - Just one week post-op, Tessierose has insight that I really appreciate.
Jacquie - Also newly banded, Jacquie is a brave soul (like me I guess) who had her surgery done in Mexico. She brings so much enthusiasm and joy to Blogland.
Band Groupie - BG has been banded for awhile and is getting close to goal. She looks FANTASTIC and gives me so much inspiration. She's also very clever (just check out today's blog).
Kristen - Kristen was banded in January and she is doing great. She also sent me some clothes a few weeks ago (I'm wearing the jeans now) even though she was on her way out of town on vacation. I always appreciate her advice and perspective.
Butterfly - I just starting following her blog and I really enjoy it. She is so honest about her struggles and has great insights. She's also newly banded.
Debi - As soon as I started following Debi, she mentioned my blog in her post and helped me to gain several new followers. I've noticed that she does this for all her new followers.
Tina - Another Oregonian and veteran bandster, Tina just hit goal. I love following her blog.
Carmen - I often find that Carmen and I have tons in common, even though we've never met in person. We are planning to get together when she visits her brother in Oregon. I'm thinking Portland Bandster Meeting at La Calaca Comalona!
Leslie - Leslie has been banded for awhile and is facing another surgery to have her port moved. She also just decided to go back to school. She faces life with a great attitude!
Camille - Newly banded and a physician, Camille always has a unique perspective.
Michelle - SIX kids under 10 (need I say more?)!!! This bandster is creative, inspirational, and a survivor.
Sandy Lee - She always makes great comments.
Andrew - Since Fat Bastard stopped posting for awhile, poor Andrew is the lone man in Blogland. I so appreciate the male perspective and he should be sainted for putting up with all of our TOM talk.
Dirttrackdiva - Another veteran bandster with great wisdom. You are my inspiration!

I am sure I have forgotten someone (multiple people) important, but I've got to stop. I've been trying to write this all morning and I've got to focus on my work now. Thank you to all of my friends!

SUNSHINE & STILETTO AWARD RULES


The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world.
Once you receive one, then you:
1. Post the logo on your blog.
2. Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.
3. Link the nominees
4. Let nominees know they have won this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to the person you received this award from.
I would like to nominate the following bloggers in no particular order & pass on the happiness

1. Display your Stiletto Badge of Honor on your sidebar! Wear it with pride… (grab the badge above)

“Heels this high are not meant for clubbing or walking long distances in. They are mainly used for getting from the living room to the bedroom, from the car to the restaurant, or for a short stroll along the catwalk.”

2. BRAG ABOUT IT! -write a post about your award.
3. SAY THANKS! - include a link to the friend who nominated you for the award.

4. SHARE THE LOVE! -nominate 5-10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. Include links to them in your post -and- leave them a comment to let them know they are nominated.

5. DO WHAT YOU DO! -keep at it. Keep inspiring and encouraging and sharing your life! We love it and we thank you!!!