I'm feeling kind of insecure this morning. Yesterday I was cocky and felt like I really knew what to expect from this lap-band. Today, not so much. I had my weekly weigh-in this morning and I am down another 1.4 lbs (.64 kg) for a total of 67.6 lbs (30.7 kg) down since February. I am fine with this weight loss, but it is less than I've been seeing most weeks which has triggered the insecurity. Now I'm worried that the things I've been saying about not dieting, eating all foods in moderation, etc. are not going to work for me.
The fact is I cannot explain why I lose 4 lbs (1.8 kg) some weeks and not others. My behavior doesn't change much from week to week. When I'm doing well, I attribute the big losses to all the fantastic things I am doing. When I don't lose big, well, I start to worry that the lap-band won't give me the results I hope for.
I know part of my issue is that I spent years trying to lose weight unsuccessfully. I felt like I didn't mind dieting, but if the results were minimal, it wasn't worth it. I felt like my body had betrayed me. I was mad at myself because I knew the real issue was that my metabolism was wacky from years of yo-yo dieting, binging and purging, starving, compulsive exercise, etc. I was also eating too much on Weight Watchers, the diet I typically followed.
I eat less now. A lot less. I don't deprive myself, but it doesn't take as much food to fill me up. I like the way I am eating now. I also like that I have been getting good results. If the results stall, then what?
I realize I did lose weight this week. 1.4 lbs. is not a stall; it isn't a plateau. I know this problem exists only in my brain and not in reality.
Part of me thinks that if I were just under 200 lbs. (90.7 kg.), I wouldn't mind the slow down. But I'm 212.4 lbs today (96.3 kg.) I've been in the teens since 6/23 and I've still got at least another week there. By comparrison, I was through the 20's in just two weeks. The 30's took three weeks. The 40's took four weeks.
So it is looking like I probably won't hit Onederland by the end of August like I'd hoped. It is more realistic that I will be 206 lbs. (93.4 kg.) by the end of August and in Onderland by the end of September. I also haven't dropped any sizes in a while. I am solidly in a size 18 and XL. All of my clothes in those sizes fit just fine. Nothing is getting too big. Sigh.