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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Just when I think I know what I'm talking about, I don't

I'm feeling kind of insecure this morning. Yesterday I was cocky and felt like I really knew what to expect from this lap-band. Today, not so much. I had my weekly weigh-in this morning and I am down another 1.4 lbs (.64 kg) for a total of 67.6 lbs (30.7 kg) down since February. I am fine with this weight loss, but it is less than I've been seeing most weeks which has triggered the insecurity. Now I'm worried that the things I've been saying about not dieting, eating all foods in moderation, etc. are not going to work for me.

The fact is I cannot explain why I lose 4 lbs (1.8 kg) some weeks and not others. My behavior doesn't change much from week to week. When I'm doing well, I attribute the big losses to all the fantastic things I am doing. When I don't lose big, well, I start to worry that the lap-band won't give me the results I hope for.

I know part of my issue is that I spent years trying to lose weight unsuccessfully. I felt like I didn't mind dieting, but if the results were minimal, it wasn't worth it. I felt like my body had betrayed me. I was mad at myself because I knew the real issue was that my metabolism was wacky from years of yo-yo dieting, binging and purging, starving, compulsive exercise, etc. I was also eating too much on Weight Watchers, the diet I typically followed.

I eat less now. A lot less. I don't deprive myself, but it doesn't take as much food to fill me up. I like the way I am eating now. I also like that I have been getting good results. If the results stall, then what?

I realize I did lose weight this week. 1.4 lbs. is not a stall; it isn't a plateau. I know this problem exists only in my brain and not in reality.

Part of me thinks that if I were just under 200 lbs. (90.7 kg.), I wouldn't mind the slow down. But I'm 212.4 lbs today (96.3 kg.) I've been in the teens since 6/23 and I've still got at least another week there. By comparrison, I was through the 20's in just two weeks. The 30's took three weeks. The 40's took four weeks.

So it is looking like I probably won't hit Onederland by the end of August like I'd hoped. It is more realistic that I will be 206 lbs. (93.4 kg.) by the end of August and in Onderland by the end of September. I also haven't dropped any sizes in a while. I am solidly in a size 18 and XL. All of my clothes in those sizes fit just fine. Nothing is getting too big. Sigh.

18 comments:

Blossom said...

Hey, you don't know, you may lose 3-4 lbs next week! Just keep doing what you're doing! As long as the scale goes down I think you're good.

Pamela E. Williams said...

Stalls happen. You are doing well and as they say a loss is a loss.

Stay encouraged!!

Cindylew said...

It happens to us all. The difference is most of us don't enjoy the 4LB weeks in between the 1.4 weeks.
Keep doing what you're doing...you'll be in onederland in a blink of an eye.

Genise said...

I think you know exactly what your talking about. Even you it's not the number you would like to see it's still is a loss.

Keep your head up and reward yourself for a job well done. Onederland is within reach

Island Bandit said...

You know, we can only control what we put in our bodies... we can't control what our bodies decide to do with it. So what if you get to onederland 2 weeks after you decided you wanted to... what matters is that you get there by eating the healthiest way you can and getting in your exercise. Don't beat yourself up... you're doing FANTASTIC!

Jacquie said...

Let me start out by saying how much I love you! Next, let me just say, you are doing great and although you have been enjoying much larger weight losses each week, the average weight loss is supposed to be 1 - 2 lbs per week. 1.4 lbs is right on target for the average. You, my dear, are above average and thats why you are scratching your head over this loss. I would not be surprised if the scale dropped 3 or 4 lbs for you next week again...don't worry and keep doing what you are doing!

DB said...

You're doing great! I am almost 3 weeks past my goal of 60 pounds - things just slowed down a bit. But you know what? I will get there - I truly know that in my heart now, this band will not let me down and your band will not let you down either!!!

TracyZ said...

I hear your pain and blogged about feeling similarly today. I agree with everyone else - the band does work and you're doing everything exactly right!

tessierose said...

You have had this incredible success and quick weight loss, you're getting smaller, so naturally your weight loss will slow down. I'd be happy to trade, since my average has decided be 8.25 a month. I don't like it, but it's a hell of a lot better than going up that amount. You're head will adjust, just keep on keeping on!

Joia said...

All I can say? You are a rockstar. I'd be stoked to be that close to onederland in just 6 months, but I've still got quite a ways to go :). Remember the old adage of "it didn't come on that quickly, it won't come off that quickly..." I know, we hate to hear it and get impatient with our bands, but you DO have incredible weight loss for the time you've been at this.

I DO hear/feel what you're saying, though. I've been stuck in the 270's forEVER and I'm really getting sick of it...the first 60 pounds came right off, and now it's slow as molasses and pissing me off. We'll do it, though, I know it!

Michelle said...

We all go through that, it's part of our journey just keep doing what your doing, think positive and you'll reach onederland in no time.

Bonnie said...

I agree with all above. You are doing so great.

Kristin said...

Keep your chin up, Amanda. You are doing amazingly well. (LOVED the bathing suit shots from earlier post, but didn't have a chance to comment. You look GREAT.)

Barbara said...

If you don't want that 1.4 pound loss can I have it.. I have only lost 2 lbs in 4 months.. so I would be thrilled!! Honestly you are doing great.. hormones play alot into the rate of loss.. and you are down 67 lbs.. that is amazing.. even though I haven't lost as much as you.. I do remind myself that the big thing is that I am keeping (what I lost) off and not rebounding by 10 lbs.. so keep that in mind, have you ever lost this much and KEPT it off.. that is something to dance about.. hang in there.... we are all in your corner..

Maria said...

You are doing so great -- no beating yourself up! Weight loss is hardly ever the same every week, as we all well know. Hang in there and you'll be in onederland before you know it.

carla said...

Some times our bodies need time to adjust to the weight loss...I know you are just nervous but realize even if you are going to start averaging 1.4 lbs a week that is still amazing!!! You are doing great

ChristineKingery said...

I'm a year and a half out of sugery and I'm STILL losing weight! You're only five months out! Be patient with yourself! Your weight loss WILL slow down, but it'll remain steady. Just be patient. Keep doing exactly what you've been doing because it's working.
Christine
www.phoenixrevolution.net

Debbie said...

You have done great. Some weeks just are not as good as others. Thanks for your comment about my aussie. I do have three and they are my babies. I have a red and white tri name BonBon (Lowe's Bonnie Bell), then I have her daughter Freckles (Lowe's Lady Freckles) and then my puppy who is Freckles son. He is a red merle with one blue eye and one green eye. His name is Rusty (Lowe's King Rusty). Oh no I did it again rambled on about my dogs... Thanks for visiting my blog.