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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Happy Wednesday!

Thank you all for so sweetly listening to my belly-aching yesterday! I really appreciate all the comments. It has been a long time since I let the bastards get me down, but I guess the stars aligned yesterday because I was sure mucking around in it for awhile. I do feel better today. Nothing has changed, but bitching doesn't make things better!

I know I need to look at making some changes, but I am definitely safely ensconced in my comfort zone. Switching jobs is a big thing I need to consider, but this job offers some perks that I probably won't get anywhere else. I have a lot of autonomy here and I have some flexibility with my schedule. I also can have my kids with me at work which is sort of a mixed blessing. I love that my kids are around me and not being raised in a day care (No offense to those with kids in day care. Mine have been there before.). I also love not having to pay for day care. But I also have to put up with kids in my office which can be distracting. Luckily they are only here a couple days a week for a few hours and during the school year after school. Really my biggest job related complaint is that I don't have health insurance. I used to pay for it out of pocket, but I cancelled it last month. I wish my boss would prioritize things like insurance, but he always cries broke when the subject comes up. I have a stressful and demanding job. I wish, like most people, that I was appreciated more and that my boss could see how difficult this job is, but the health insurance is the biggest issue. That and time off. I would love to have more PTO (I get 10 days a year total for sick and vacation). I've worked here for 9 years.

So I go back and forth between the idea of staying and going. I apply for other jobs and figure if I am actually offered something different, I will make the decision then. I usually apply for two or three jobs a year. But as I consider leaving, I'm always filled with anxiety and stress. Really I could probably work here happily for the rest of my life if the vacation and PTO issues were resolved.

My plan was to start my own company and work for myself. I did that, but I just have a couple of clients so it isn't anything major. My mom was going to buy an investment property for me to manage after she sold some property in Washington state, but the sale fell through so that dream is in limbo.

So...what else is up? I weighed in this morning and am down another 2.2 lbs. (.99 kg). I am thrilled with the weight loss, BUT that puts me at 69.8 lbs. (31.6 kg)down (so close to 70 lbs.!) AND that leaves me at 210.2 lbs. (95.35 kg) (so close to the aughts!). So I'm sort of in weight limbo too.

Last week at my weigh day I was lamenting being in the 210's since 6/25. I guess I'm going to be there a little bit longer. Sigh!

But look at how close to ONDERLAND I am! I was hoping to be there by the end of August. I revised my goal to the end of September, but I think realistically I will be there by the middle of September. I am so excited!

The last time I weighed this much, I was about 6 months pregnant with my second daughter. I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

I tried on a dress size large from my closet and IT FIT! I didn't wear it today, but I might wear it soon. I have another dress in the same style that I have been wearing in an XL. I wore this large dress to have a family portrait taken when my youngest was a baby and I weighed more then than I do now so I knew it would probably fit, but it's nice to be able to wear a large.

Boy this is a really long post.

I have been eating more lately. I was eating about 800-1,000 calories a day, but now I am eating closer to 1,200-1,300. I could probably use a small fill, but it isn't in the budget right now. I actually like the restriction level I'm at now and I'm okay with the rate of my weight loss too. I can eat any food I want. I don't get stuck. I don't PB (unless I drink anything within 30 minutes of eating). I stay full for 3-4 hours after a meal. I can eat my food without issue, but I know when I'm full and need to stop. I feel like I'm in a good place, but I was worried about the calories. I don't think I'm going to worry anymore. As long as I'm losing weight, 1,200-1,300 calories is a good place to be.


tessierose said...

I'm glad you're feeling better! You're doing great. I'm sorr about the job frustration, I hope it all works out for you. Change is hard, but sometimes it's just what we need!

Pamela E. Williams said...

Sounds like you are doing good. I read on someone's blog about a week ago that when they are frustrated about small losses they remember that a loss is a loss. Congrats on that.

I hope the job situation works out for you as well. I have the opposite of your problems. I have great benefits (ie. paid vacation & sick time as well as great healthcare insurance) but the pay is the pits. All and all I am thankful.

carla said...

You are doing great and everyone is entitled to a bad day now and again. I think your calorie intake of 1200-1300 is a great range that will keep you loosing on a steady pace!!

Genise said...

Even when your having a crappy day you still manage to stop by and make me feel so much better. Thank you for that!

Sounds like your in a better place today. I think in due time you will make the best decision for you regarding the job. Stay the course with the calories...if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Keep your head up!

Debbie said...

I understand the job frustration. I have a good job but it is demanding as hell. I love it though and I do get 2 weeks vacation and 5 days sick pay. Which really does not matter because I am on salary. Write down all the good things about your job and compare them to the bad things and see where you stand.

Congrats on the loss. Any loss is good.


Oh I too am dreaming of Onderland.(14 lbs. to go for me) You have 10 lbs. to go,nice. I will be watching and trying to keed up. good luck.

Cindylew said...

So glad today was better than yesterday.
Work issues are always frustrating but if another job comes along, make sure you're in the right frame of mind to jump on it if it's the right one. Sometimes if you're ambivalent, it will show in your interview and then the choice won't be yours to make. You definitely seem like the type of employee that someone would snatch up in a second...definitely keep your options open.

Kerri said...

Glad you are feeling better! YAY for your loss!!!

AmeyinIdaho said...

Everybody has bad days, glad your feeling better today.

The L dress is awesome!! Do we get to see pics??

Word Verification: igain

Tina said...

As long as you are losing I wouldn't worry about the calories soo much. I am sorry about all the other life stress stuff. I understand it and empathize with you. Feel better!!


ChristineKingery said...

Wow your PTO totally F-ing sucks. I get 15 or 17 days, I think, in my FIRST YEAR. 10 years into the job, my employer gives 35 days PTO. That's freaking nuts that you get so little!

Michelle said...

Glad to hear your doing better. However I really hope the job thing works out. Congrats on the loss though!!!