Thank you all for so sweetly listening to my belly-aching yesterday! I really appreciate all the comments. It has been a long time since I let the bastards get me down, but I guess the stars aligned yesterday because I was sure mucking around in it for awhile. I do feel better today. Nothing has changed, but bitching doesn't make things better!
I know I need to look at making some changes, but I am definitely safely ensconced in my comfort zone. Switching jobs is a big thing I need to consider, but this job offers some perks that I probably won't get anywhere else. I have a lot of autonomy here and I have some flexibility with my schedule. I also can have my kids with me at work which is sort of a mixed blessing. I love that my kids are around me and not being raised in a day care (No offense to those with kids in day care. Mine have been there before.). I also love not having to pay for day care. But I also have to put up with kids in my office which can be distracting. Luckily they are only here a couple days a week for a few hours and during the school year after school. Really my biggest job related complaint is that I don't have health insurance. I used to pay for it out of pocket, but I cancelled it last month. I wish my boss would prioritize things like insurance, but he always cries broke when the subject comes up. I have a stressful and demanding job. I wish, like most people, that I was appreciated more and that my boss could see how difficult this job is, but the health insurance is the biggest issue. That and time off. I would love to have more PTO (I get 10 days a year total for sick and vacation). I've worked here for 9 years.
So I go back and forth between the idea of staying and going. I apply for other jobs and figure if I am actually offered something different, I will make the decision then. I usually apply for two or three jobs a year. But as I consider leaving, I'm always filled with anxiety and stress. Really I could probably work here happily for the rest of my life if the vacation and PTO issues were resolved.
My plan was to start my own company and work for myself. I did that, but I just have a couple of clients so it isn't anything major. My mom was going to buy an investment property for me to manage after she sold some property in Washington state, but the sale fell through so that dream is in limbo.
So...what else is up? I weighed in this morning and am down another 2.2 lbs. (.99 kg). I am thrilled with the weight loss, BUT that puts me at 69.8 lbs. (31.6 kg)down (so close to 70 lbs.!) AND that leaves me at 210.2 lbs. (95.35 kg) (so close to the aughts!). So I'm sort of in weight limbo too.
Last week at my weigh day I was lamenting being in the 210's since 6/25. I guess I'm going to be there a little bit longer. Sigh!
But look at how close to ONDERLAND I am! I was hoping to be there by the end of August. I revised my goal to the end of September, but I think realistically I will be there by the middle of September. I am so excited!
The last time I weighed this much, I was about 6 months pregnant with my second daughter. I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.
I tried on a dress size large from my closet and IT FIT! I didn't wear it today, but I might wear it soon. I have another dress in the same style that I have been wearing in an XL. I wore this large dress to have a family portrait taken when my youngest was a baby and I weighed more then than I do now so I knew it would probably fit, but it's nice to be able to wear a large.
Boy this is a really long post.
I have been eating more lately. I was eating about 800-1,000 calories a day, but now I am eating closer to 1,200-1,300. I could probably use a small fill, but it isn't in the budget right now. I actually like the restriction level I'm at now and I'm okay with the rate of my weight loss too. I can eat any food I want. I don't get stuck. I don't PB (unless I drink anything within 30 minutes of eating). I stay full for 3-4 hours after a meal. I can eat my food without issue, but I know when I'm full and need to stop. I feel like I'm in a good place, but I was worried about the calories. I don't think I'm going to worry anymore. As long as I'm losing weight, 1,200-1,300 calories is a good place to be.