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Thursday, November 11, 2010

You guys are a bunch of pervs!

I say that with tons of affection.  But you have to wonder about a post promising naked (censored) pix of me eliciting so many comments.  It is okay though.  I love it when you guys "bare" yourselves too!

I do feel compelled to dispel the myth that I am a model Bandster, which a couple of you included in your comments.  To be completely honest, I don't know why I've lost so well and so consistently.  I have some suspicions, but I suspect a lot of it was luck.  I feel really, really blessed to be so comfortable in my own skin and to feel so little compulsion to overeat.  My disordered relationship with food has been an issue in my life for more than 30 years.  I have agonized over it, prayed about it, struggled with it and given up on myself  more times than I can count.

I do believe that my decision NOT to diet is a big part of my success.  I eat what I want and stop eating when my band tells me to.  I am satisfied by the foods I eat.  I know that I chased this sense of satisfaction for most of the last 30 years as I ate more and more or less and less.  Now I eat and enjoy and I don't feel the compulsion to keep eating most of the time.  I believe a bit if real butter on my potato is far more satisfying than a whole bunch of light margarine slathered all over the place.  Same with full-fat cheese, mayonnaise, cream and real sugar.

But when I was first banded, I DID diet.  Then I learned from several other bloggers that it was possible to eat a different way.  It was scary for me to stop writing down my food.  In the past that has always been an indication that I was about to give up on a diet.  But I trusted that it was possible to eat all foods in moderation, so long as the quantities were reasonable.  I had always wanted to eat that way and several years before being banded I'd actually started eating that way.  I quit binging for the most part.  I didn't care how many calories something had.  I ate things I actually wanted to eat.  I didn't have the lap-band to make me stop eating so I didn't lose weight, but I feel like some of my sanity was restored by that time.

But I make plenty of mistakes and sometimes I don't disclose them here.  Mistakes like last Saturday when I had some popcorn for a snack in the afternoon and then wasn't hungry for dinner.  My "rule" is that I eat when I'm hungry.  At 8:00 PM I said, "Screw it!" and had dinner because I wanted to eat.  I still wasn't hungry.  Oh, yeah and I had dessert too even though I definitely wasn't hungry for that either!  My calories were still reasonable (1,200) for the day (I know because on days when I do stupid things like that, I add up my calories to decide if it was a problem or not).

I also have a fair amount of band related "issues".  I've struggled with acid reflux off and on since September.  I have gurggling that sometimes prevents me from sleeping on my left side and interferes with my sleep.  This week my band has just plain hurt.  I don't know why.  So even though I have a tendency to gloss over the negative elements of banded life, I do recognize that it isn't perfect.

I guess my reality is that I see how much better things are now.  I love being "thin".  I love wearing smaller sizes.  I love not beating myself up about my size.  It isn't perfect, but for me it is enough!

  

7 comments:

Bonnie said...

Damn, you're not perfect! Who knew? It's good to know the band can work by not dieting because that's the route I'm taking.

Joia said...

And yet? Your attitude toward the entire journey is absolutely perfect. I log my calories when I start gaining/maintaining over a week's period, but that's generally just to get my head back in the game. I love me some Amanda!

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

I love you attitude!! You are truly an inspiration to me and to so many others - thank you!!

Amanda said...

Thank you so much for posting this! It makes me feel like there is hope! That one day I won't have to "diet"! I can't wait!

Rachel said...

You make me laugh and you encourage me. I think you are so right about why the band works. You can eat foods normally but it stops you from over eating. It makes long term weight loss a lot more feasible. Since I know I can eat smaller portions I really try to be selective and eat wonderful things in small amounts.

DiZneDiVa said...

Wow, Amanda,i am so glad I read this. I have not been dieting for the last several months and even though i continue to lose weight because of the small portions, i have been nervous that i will hit a plateau and maybe even gain weight. I feel like I should be feeling deprived to lose this weight and i don't feel deprived at all. *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Follow my journey at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

Jess said...

I have been stuck on the same plateau for like 5 months (maybe longer) now. I feel like most of the time I don't eat crappy enough to stay this weight. I guess my body is just one of the stubborn ones!