I had a weird night yesterday.  I had tofu and rice for dinner and was promptly stuck.  I PBed and I guess I was sort of feeling sorry for myself because I decided to eat more.  Oddly I kept that down fine, but I was eating in that old out-of-control manner where I just wanted to eat as much as I could before I stopped myself.  I've only had a few such incidents since I was banded.  Calorie-wise I probably was fine.  A little more than normal, but nothing crazy.  Still, it is a reminder that I need to be wary of my eating behaviors.  I can't assume that I have my problem with food solved for good.  It wouldn't be hard to go back to the former binge-overeating behaviors that used to be my norm. 

The feeling sorry for myself element was strange too.  I've felt it before when I PBed or was stuck.  The feeling is something like, "Why does my eating have to be restricted?  Why can't I just eat what I want like a normal person?".  The funny thing is that I really like eating the way I do and I usually feel like a "normal" eater, whatever that is.  But when I'm two or three bites into something I really want and feel that, "Oh, $hit! This isn't going down right." feeling, there's definitely some sadness.   

Most of the time I feel like I'm not doing anything special to lose weight.  I try to eat only when I'm hungry.  The band tells me when to stop.  I try to eat healthy food since I eat so much less than I used to, I want to get the greatest nutritional value possible.  But I still eat so-called "junk" food sometimes.  The biggest difference is that I refuse to feel bad about it.  If I chose chips or sweets, I also chose to enjoy them. 

But I am doing something special - I'm choosing not to eat with that old frenzied sense of trying to stuff as much down my throat as I can before my brain starts screaming at me to knock it off.