I don't remember how old I am or how much I weigh

No, really. All year, I have been thinking I'm 37, but I don't turn 37 until August. I think I started thinking I was almost 37 and that just turned into I AM 37. My mom has had that same experience, but I never thought it would happen to ME!

So I was reading a post this morning and someone mentioned how much weight they'd lost and I was thinking, "No Fair! This person was banded after me!" And then I realized I'd actually lost 10 lbs. (4.5 Kg.) more than I thought. But get this, I had to look in my little book to see what my weight is and how much I'd lost total. Maybe I really do need one of those little counters at the top of my blog to help me keep track. Maybe I should get one that says my age too.

I guess in my defense I should say that I have been really busy at work and my sister/co-worker has been off work most of the last couple weeks so there is a lot of stuff on my plate. When I was in college, I developed my "shelf theory" to explain this sort of memory loss situation. Basically, says my shelf theory, our brains are like shelves and the more stuff we put on them, the more information begins to fall of the side of the shelf. Silly little bits of information like our age and how much we weigh.

On the band front, I am still really tight. I have PB'd more times than I can count. Almost everything I eat gets stuck. It is my TOM so I am hoping things will chill out a bit when that's done. I'm still managing to eat and drink an adequate number of calories so I'm not thinking I'll have an un-fill, but I would sure like to quit puking! Actually I don't mind the puking as much as the getting stuck and the pain and discomfort associated with that. So on that happy note, I'll sign off!

Mother's Day

My mom, my younger sister, me and my older sister, Easter 2009

Since Mother's Day is coming up on Sunday I wanted to honor my mom a bit in this post. I can't fully do that, however, without telling you about my grandmother first. My mom's mom, Granny Crackers as she was called, has been gone about five years, but she was a wonderful woman. She grew up in Idaho on a farm. Her mother was a flapper (hard to imagine flappers in ID) who committed suicide when Granny was 15 years old. Granny married shortly thereafter and had four children, two sons and two daughters. She and my grandpa divorced after Grandpa had an affair with his secretary. He later married the secretary. What is so important about this story is that I grew up and never senced an ounce of anamosity between Granny, Grandpa or New Wife. None. We all got together for holidays, weddings, funerals, BBQ's, etc. We would meet at either Granny's house or Grandpa and New Wife's house. Everyone would be there. Grandpa had a farm so once a year we would do things like bring in the hay, can vegetables, butcher, etc. and everyone would participate. Granny and New Wife would happily put up corn together in New Wife's kitchen (formerally Granny's kitchen). Now I adored my grandpa, but he was by no means an easy man to be around. I hold no illusions that it was his sunny personality that kept all of these charecters from cat fighting over turkey dinner. No, it was definately Granny (and a little bit New Wife) with all the grace and class to keep her family from falling apart. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her, but you'd never had guessed.

So this is where my mom comes from. Like her mother, she is hard working and accepting. She has always made my boyfriends (even the jack butts) feel welcome and at ease. She never judges (at least not out loud). My oldest sister actually thinks my mom prefers her ex-husband to her! Mom doesn't prefer him, but she is just that stinkin' nice and accomodating.

My mom is so accepting that she has a tendency to get taken advantage of. I can relate to this and it is interesting to look at how she handles things and see the patterns that I follow in my own life.

My mom is very generous. If someone is in need, she's there. I once received $50 cash in the mail with a little note reading, "Just Because". It was one of those weeks when I had nothing so it was a timely surprise!

Granny worked all her life. She retired about 10 years before she died, but then she ended up working several odd jobs to get by. At one time, she had a good chunk of money, but she gave most of it away to her children. It makes me really sad that she didn't get to enjoy her final years more than she did. Really the only time she didn't work was the last two months of her life after she'd been diagnosed with a brain tumor. So from her example, I've also learned what NOT to do. I sincerely hope my mom also earned this lesson because she recently inheritated a bit of money. I want my mom to use that money to set herself up for her retirement. But perhaps that is a different post altogether.

As you can see from the photos of me and my mom, I resemble her a great deal. She currently weighs about what I did when I got my lap band. I have been talking to her about the surgery and urging her to consider doing it too. She isn't quite as adventerous as I am, I guess, so I'm not sure I have her quite talked into it. She talks about going back to Weight Watchers or going to a medical (non-surgical) weight loss program in town. She, like me, has been down those roads before, but like most of us, she blamed herself when the programs didn't work.

My mom is one of my best friends. My daughters adore her. If they could do anything in the world, it would probably be spend the night at their grandma's house. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful mom. Happy Mother's Day!

I work as a property manager in Eugene, Oregon so I have several properties around the University of Oregon. Yesterday I had an appointment to meet some people at an apartment so they could view the interior and pay the deposit for next school year. I got there about 15 minutes early and had my lunch. It was one of my favorite foods - a small original Yumm bowl from Café Yumm! It is basically brown jasmine rice, black beans, salsa, avacado, their yummy sauce and a dollup of sour cream. I have it every Wednesday for lunch. I had three very, very small bites that I thought I chewed enough. I saw my appointment arrive so I went to the apartment, realizing that I was STUCK with every passing second. I hoped climbing the three flights of stairs to the unit would take care of it, but nope! I walked them through and we stood there talking for awhile. I tried to pretend I was okay, but I finally decided I better head for the bathroom.

I threw up once and it was pretty quick and painless. Afterwards I rinced out my mouth and went back out to the three 20-year-olds who were standing there waiting for me. They probably think I'm pregnant or something.

Since I'm not a quitter, I finished my meeting AND my lunch. No problems with the rest of it although it did take me about an hour and a half to finish. We had chili for dinner which sounds like a slider to me, but after about three or four bites of that BAM! You guessed it, stuck again, follwed by more PB-ing. Twice this time. At this point I just gave up. Today I'm going slow, slow, slow and trying to chew things like crazy. So far so good.

Weigh Day

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo, Amigos Míos!

I decided to weigh in today (technically a day early) since I weighed in LAST Wednesday. I am down 3.6 lbs. (1.6 Kg.) for the week which brings me to 39.4 lbs. (17.9 Kg.) total. So close to 40 lbs. (18.1 Kg.)!

I've also had TWO people notice my weight loss who do not know about the surgery. One was actually a couple of weeks ago and one was yesterday. I personally feel really different. I feel like activities like walking up the stairs no longer leave me out of breath. Actually I now sort of bound up the stairs! When I look at myself, I am not shocked by how big I am.

On the band-front, I am definitely not as tight as I was. I had an amazing sandwich (flat bagel with cream cheese, cheddar cheese, avocado, pickle, and tomato) for lunch yesterday with no issue. I also had a salad and spaghetti for dinner without any major problem. Being so tight before was a little scary. I don't think I need quite so much restriction right now. I like being able to eat all types of food. Also I noticed that my caloric intake didn't go down THAT much even though practically everything got stuck for 4 1/2 days.

So have a lovely Wednesday! Here are some calories counts for your festive Cinco de Mayo: Margarita 300 calories, 0 protein, Tortilla chips - 13, 143 calories, 2 grams protein, Salsa 2 Tbsp. 15 calories, O protein, Guacamole 2 Tbsp. 50 calories, 1 gram protein.

Size 20 and other news

Did you see that lady in the Size 20 jeans today? Yep, that WAS ME!!!

I started in a size 24 so I am down two sizes. Woo hoo! I am also down two sizes in shirts - from 3X to 1X.

I asked my fella this morning what he thought about the jeans and he said, "They look too big." LIAR! But I love him for it! Actually they are kind of a baggy cut except for around the waste where they fit just fine.

Too bad I only have ONE PAIR of size 20's that I like. And too bad they are jeans which will be way too hot if we ever get some decent weather in the Pac NW. Its supposed to be 70 F (21 C) on Thursday. Much warmer than it has been.

I had my second fill last week on Friday and now have 2.7 cc's in my 4 cc band. I am really, really tight. I have gotten stuck on EVERYTHING I've eaten. Even sliders and mushies. This morning was the best so far, though. I made an egg and toast and spent about 30 minutes taking ridiculously small bites until the egg was cold and rubbery and I decided it wasn't worth the bother. I was very minor-ly stuck after the first few bites, but I stopped eating for awhile and then was able to eat slowly through the rest of it. I ate 3/4 of the egg and 3/4 of the toast.

I also had my first PB yesterday. After eating very little Friday through Sunday, I was ravenous yesterday. I had breakfast (protein drink) at 10:00 and then was hungry again at 11:15 so I had lunch. Then I had a cheese stick at 2:00 and then I had some pasta at 3:30. The pasta was what got me, but I was stuck on all of those things except maybe the cheese stick and the protein drink. Through it all, my stomach is gurg-gurg-gurggling. The PB wasn't too bad, or at least not as horrible as some of the ones I've read about. I was stuck after a couple of bites of the pasta. It was really painful. Then I was nauseous so I headed to the bathroom. Then I started thinking I was really going to throw up. I spit a couple times in the toilet and up it came. I vomited once a bunch of clear liquid and probably a minuscule piece of pasta (I'm sorry, TMI, I know).

I feel like this is a whole other level of bandedness (is that a word?). Prior to this fill, I could eat pretty much anything as long as I didn't take huge bites and I chewed things up a bit. I got full pretty quickly and was only stuck a couple of times. I was sticking to my food plan and losing weight because I was working at it. Now I really have lots of restriction. Probably too much, but I'm not planning on having an unfill. I have still managed to eat each day (1,195 calories yesterday) and I am hoping I can work through it by eating even slower and taking smaller bites. I can now understand how some bandsters can only eat 1/2 cup of food at a meal and be full and why they might stop eating bread, pasta and pizza (which I'm not going to do just yet). I wonder if you've ever been this tight and if so, did it go away on its own? How long did it take? If you've had an unfill, what is your criteria?

New Blogger

Hi Everyone!

I have a new follower who could use some support:

http://mamato3girls.blogspot.com/

She is pretty early in the process of having lap-band WLS. And her blog is just starting too so check her out so you can follow her from the beginning!

Enough?

Contenment. Satisfaction. Enough. Abundance.

For me these words evoke thoughts about food and how I could never get enough. Eating was about getting as much deliousness into my mouth as I would let myself have. I was never satisfied. Even if I had the most decadent meal, I was left wanting. Wanting what, I'm not sure. More food? Sometimes. Peace with myself? Yeah, probably. Sure, I was physisically full, but I was never content.

But now a miracle has happened! I got my lap-band and I've lost 35+ lbs. (16+ Kg.). The obsession with food has abated. I have no doubt that I will lose all the extra weight over the next year or so. Finally my food-nightmare is ending.

So am I satisfied? No, not really.

Because I am too busy stressing out about money and my finances to even reflect on how MAJOR this is. I have longed to be free from my obsession with food since I was 10 years old! 26 years I have struggled! But am I content? Nope. Am I satisfied? Not really. WTF??? No seriously, what the hell is WRONG with me?

Sure, my finances are strained right now. My fella has been out of work since the beginning of the year. But I've lived frugally for all of my adult life. I don't have any credit card debt. The only bills I have are household bills (electricity, satellite TV, etc.), the mortgage, health insurance, student loan and car payment. My income covers all of these and leaves enough money for gas and food. We're not living LARGE, but we're getting by! And I don't have HUGE reserves, but I do have some money in savings, a CD, my IRA and the kids' college fund. So worse case scenario, we'd still be able to float for a good-long time. A lot of people in my situation would feel pretty good right about now. They wouldn't consider themselves rich, but they would feel that they had ENOUGH.

But the truth is, we have MORE than enough. Like most North Americans, we have lots of stuff. Nothing really valuable, but we are comfortable. We have a small house, but it is warm and secure. We have chickens and a vegetable garden and a bunch of fruit trees so we won't starve. We have books on the shelves and library cards to allow us to enrich our minds. Every member of my family is healthy and usually happy. We live down the street from a little park so we always have cheap entertainment available. We have bicycles and feet for exercise. We have two cats and a dog for companionship. My job is very secure, but even if I lost it, this country has resources for the destatute. We are members of a wonderful church community which gives us lots of opportunities for service and spiritual enrichment. We have an ABUNDANCE!

My fill Friday is doing its job. I am really, really tight and I have a ton of restriction. I am eating about 500 calories/day LESS than I was eating before the fill and I wasn't eating a lot then. I am really struggling to get food in at this point which is actually a nice change of pace. I know this last paragraph doesn't flow with the rest of the post, but I wanted to tell you where I am at band-wise.

So to each of you and especially myself, I wish peace today! Enjoy what you have. Appreciate your blessings. Recognize your progress. Know that no amount of food or money can ever fill you up unless you let it. So allow yourself to be content. Be satisfied.