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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Finish Line

I did a 5K on Thanksgiving morning, followed by swimming at the local swim park.  My niece, sister, and daughters and I have done this two years in a row as a good way to do something healthy on a traditional food holiday.  I'm not a runner; I walked the 5K, but it was still a good, healthy start to the holiday season.

This race, like all others, has a starting line and a finish line.  But I've come to realize that no matter how far I've come with weight loss and maintenance, there will never be a finish line.  I will always have to run this race.

I bring it up because I've really been struggling the last couple weeks.  I've had a "don't give a shit" attitude about food choices about 25% of the time.  The rest of the time, I've done fine, but it is inconsistent.  My exercise has been good, but since I work out outside and it is really cold, I haven't had much enthusiasm about it.  I'm still doing it, though.  The worst part has been how I feel in my head.  I was convinced that I've gained weight (I haven't) and I couldn't make myself get on the scale.  I looked in the mirror and thought I looked bigger.  I obsessed about how my pants fit, certain that they were tight. 

Hitting our weight loss goals doesn't mean we're done.  I know that's pretty obvious, but somehow I am able to go along pretty well for a good long time and then it hits me that I'll never be done.  I've been at goal for a year, but I will always struggle.  Weight issues are a part of who I am.  In some ways, it would be easier if we could just cross the finish line and be done, but there is a lot of personal growth that happens in the struggle.  I've heard recovering alcoholics say  that they are grateful for their alcoholism.  They appreciate that this flaw has made them a better person.  I think in times like this, I can see what they mean.

                                                        At the starting line with my youngest.
                                                     Ready to swim after the race!


Darlin1 said...

Wow.....good for you!!!

Tina said...

yep...I agree with what you have put down so eloquently. This is and always will be a struggle. You are doing it wonderfully though!!!


Cat said...

This post is exactly why you'll always be one of my favorites. You always put the things we need to keep in mind in such a clear way. Thank you.

Oh - I didn't do an organized race, but I did run on Thanksgiving morning. : ) I believe I will make it a tradition.

Beth said...

Wow, very impressive exercise on Turkey day! I agree with you on the finish line is what makes this journey so daunting at times.

MandaPanda said...

What a great tradition you've started for you and your family!

Lap Band Gal said...

AWESOME!!!! :) Such a cute pic of you and the kiddos

trisha said...

great post... this is a life long thing and we all need to be prepared to be exhausted but it's worth it!

Ronnie said...

So true... so... damn... true. Ugh. LOL

I just want it to be OVER.