Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The Finish Line
This race, like all others, has a starting line and a finish line. But I've come to realize that no matter how far I've come with weight loss and maintenance, there will never be a finish line. I will always have to run this race.
I bring it up because I've really been struggling the last couple weeks. I've had a "don't give a shit" attitude about food choices about 25% of the time. The rest of the time, I've done fine, but it is inconsistent. My exercise has been good, but since I work out outside and it is really cold, I haven't had much enthusiasm about it. I'm still doing it, though. The worst part has been how I feel in my head. I was convinced that I've gained weight (I haven't) and I couldn't make myself get on the scale. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked bigger. I obsessed about how my pants fit, certain that they were tight.
Hitting our weight loss goals doesn't mean we're done. I know that's pretty obvious, but somehow I am able to go along pretty well for a good long time and then it hits me that I'll never be done. I've been at goal for a year, but I will always struggle. Weight issues are a part of who I am. In some ways, it would be easier if we could just cross the finish line and be done, but there is a lot of personal growth that happens in the struggle. I've heard recovering alcoholics say that they are grateful for their alcoholism. They appreciate that this flaw has made them a better person. I think in times like this, I can see what they mean.