Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Canadian geese & goslings



Swimming nutria (circled)

I am sending happy Memorial Day weekend thoughts to all of my U.S. friends and plain old happy weekend thoughts to the rest of the world. Here are some pix I took today at my office:

Pamela - I don't think your comments are working, but I wanted to say thanks for mentioning my post.

How low can you go?

I wish I could report that my funk has completely lifted, but the truth is I am still struggling. To make matters worse, my fella and I had an argument yesterday and then I got frustrated with my daughter and sent her to bed early. All this after we'd gone out as a family to see Alice in Wonderland at the $1.50 theater. It was supposed to be a fun, special evening and ended up being a big ol' bag of crap!

Mostly my stresses are financial these days. My budget is stretched so thin it is pretty much see-through! I just don't see how I'm going to be able to avoid making some cuts. So what should it be? Food? Health insurance?

Of course I wouldn't have to cut anything if my fella could find a job. He was a student and worked part-time until the first of the year. I wish he could figure out what he wants to be when he grows up! It is so hard for me to go to work every day while he stays home. He is really good about taking care of the garden and the chickens, but he doesn't do any other yard or housework consistantly. That all gets left for me! I am trying to be patient and supportive, but I'm afraid it is all coming out as resentful and frustration. Not my best look.

So that is me today. I know the blahs are going around Blogland and many of you are right here with me. Let's hope June brings some positive changes and some nice weather!

I Love My Band!

I wrote kind of a sad sack post earlier today and then had an experience I wanted to share with you guys. I was planning to get lunch at Café Yumm!, a local restaurant that serves rice & bean dishes. Pre-band I would get a medium or large bowl and a bag of Kettle chips and eat it all. I usually eat there are Wednesdays, but now I get a small bowl and no chips. I was feeling kind of sorry for myself as I drove there earlier and thinking I wanted the chips. I was thinking that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life NOT eating chips with lunch. So I decided to get the chips and portion them out. I got the chips and small bowl and sat down to eat at my desk. I counted out my 13 chips (1 serving) and started on the rice and beans. I couldn't finish them! I threw away about 1/4 of the dish. I love my band!

Weigh Day

Today is my official weigh-day and I am down 3.6 lbs. (1.63 kg.). This brings me to 49 lbs. (22.2 kg.) total and a weight of 231 lbs. (104.7 kg.). I would probably be more excited if I hadn't weighed myself last Monday before my unfill and seen an unofficial 229 (103 kg.). I know I have told several people I'd lost more than 50 lbs. (22.6 kg.). True I hadn't eaten for more than three days at that point and I'd also had difficulty getting liquids down, but I certainly haven't been eating a WEIGHT-GAINING diet since then so I hoped I'd be able to keep that loss. Sigh.

When I convert my weight to kilos, it doesn't seem like it makes so much difference. Maybe I should start using kilos all the time. Also I am close to double-digits in kilos. Is there a special name (ala Onederland) for double-digit weights? For those who are wondering, 220.25 lbs. = 99.9 kg. I'm thinking of a name like "Double D" or "DD-town". Any ideas?

At least one person noticed that I changed the name of my blog. I had the completely generic Amanda's Weight Loss Journey which I gave literally zero thought when I decided to start blogging. Since then I've admired all the cool Band related names and all the other clever titles that you guys have come up with.

Roo says it will be 50 degrees Celsius in Dubai in about a month. WTF??!! In case you are wondering, that is 122 degrees Fahrenheit. I realize this is totally off the topic, but I find it so shocking that I had to mention it!

I was about to wish you all a happy Thursday when it occurred to me that it is actually Wednesday. Sigh. Clearly my funk hasn't lifted. It is still raining. I was picturing myself this morning bobbing in the ocean, struggling to swim to a boat in the distance. I'm keeping afloat, but any minute now a big wave is going to come along and swamp me and I'll drown. Or I'll make it to the boat. It could go either way.

Not much to say...

Things have been rather blah here with me, I'm afraid. I know it is hard to believe that my life isn't all parties and clown cars.

Mostly I've been busy working, busy being a mom, busy with the minutiae that is my life. I wish I could get away for the weekend. It doesn't help that the weather here in Oregon has been, well, blah. Gray skies, rain, dreary, cold. I'm reading about all of you having pool parties and hiking and such with great jealousy! Although I'm not jealous of Andrew playing golf at 6:00 AM in the 35 degrees Celsius weather in Dubai (Is that even a real temp when you're not directly on the sun?).

This weekend is Memorial Day in the States which means we get three days off and the unofficial kick-off to summer. We like to joke in Oregon that summer doesn't begin until July 5th since we've all endured many a rainy Independece Day (July 4th) celebration. Friday is also my big sister's 40th birthday. She will be having a party at her house so that will be fun. If I can just make it through the rest of the week, that is.

On the band front, all is well. Tomorrow is weigh-day so I am hoping for some excitement there. I am so glad I got that little unfill last week. I am coming to realize that I do not like my band too tight. I LIKE to eat (shocking, I know). I am not really interested in starving or puking myself to goal. I'd rather have real food.

My jeans are too loose, but the next size down is too tight. Annoying.

Logging and blogging

I haven't logged my food for a week. I can't decide if it is a problem or not. I stopped logging my food because I wasn't eating any and it seemed pointless. I logged for part of one day after my unfill, but I could only eat a couple of tablespoons of dinner that night and then I PBed so it seemed sort of pointless to log it. Since then I have been able to eat during the day, but I'm still having issues in the evening. It isn't as bad as it was before my unfill, but I still can't get much down.

Take last night, for example. Yesterday was pay-day and it is our custom to go grocery shopping after I get off work on pay-day. When we were bagging the groceries, my daughter asked if we could have McDonald's for dinner. On our budget, even McDonald's has become a luxury, but we did really well with the groceries so I decided we could do it. We took everything home and put the groceries away and then ran to McDonald's. I got a small fries and a cheese sandwich. I had four or five fries and I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much. Over the next hour, I nibbled at my sandwich and fries, but ate less than half the small sandwich and about 1/4 of the small fries.

So my calories count for the day was:

coffee with cream & sugar 165 c
2/3 piece cheese pizza 138 c 6 grams protein
protein drink 160 c 30 grams protein
piece fresh pineapple 28 c .8 grams protein
1/2 MCD ch. sandwich 105 c 5 grams protein
1/4 small fries 57.5 c > 1 gram protein
ketchup 15 c

Total 668.5 calories 41.8 grams protein

I want to say first that I usually try to eat a little bit healthier foods, but I've been pretty disinterested in food lately so I tend to eat what sounds good. Also I had brought the pizza to work the day prior, but didn't want to eat it then. Really the only thing that I was excited about eating was that dang pineapple.

I also recognize that the protein was really low. I usually prepare meals at home and focus more on getting protein. This day was unusual because of the food choices, but not because of the calories. Since my second fill three weeks ago (and subsequent unfill on Monday), I have only topped 1,000 calories per day once.

So I guess what I am saying is that it seems pointless to log my food, but I also don't want to be setting myself up to begin eating foods I shouldn't. Historically in my dieting past, I have done much better when I wrote down what I ate. But this isn't a diet and I'm having a tough time getting enough calories in so do I need to worry about it or should I just go with it and see what happens?

I also know that most (all?) of the super-stars of Bandland do not log their food. Once they had good restriction, they just ate what they wanted and tried to make the best food choices. That is really appealing to me, but I am afraid to give up the log. I know I say this all the time, but I firmly believe that I am an addict and addicts tend to put themselves into situations where they use. I don't want to be setting myself up for that. I don't feel like I am, but what the hell do I know? I didn't feel like I was eating in a way in which I'd end up 280 lbs. (127 Kg.) either, but I did.

So that is me on this Friday. I'd love to hear your thoughts about logging your food. Or anything else you want to say.