Kicking ass, taking names...

Sometimes I write post titles that have very little to do with what I intend to say.  This is one of those times.  Sadly, I have done no ass kicking, nor name taking.

But I do feel like I have taken steps to get back to where I want to be.  To re-cap, I had surgery last February and was very sick for several weeks.  During that time, I lost 20 lbs.  I didn't need to lose the weight, but I wasn't sad about it.  I maintained the loss after I recovered for about six months, but in about August I started re-gaining.

I didn't really change anything that I was doing.  Maybe it just took that long for my body to heal completely.  Between August and a couple of weeks ago, I gained about 16 lbs. 

More than five years ago, I lost 110 lbs.  I have maintained that loss for that long, but my weight has fluctuated some in those years.  Back when I was obese, I thought that once I got to my goal weight I wouldn't have to worry about my weight again.  Since then I have learned that it is something I have to work on every day and I will have to continue to do so for the rest of life. 

The thing that I find especially frustrating is that I have experienced weight gains even though I am doing all the right things.  I make good food choices.  I use MFP to track my food.  I exercise like a mo fo.  I drink water.  I weigh myself regularly.  Back in my obesity days, I would either be following some really rigid diet or I would be eating whatever I wanted without regard for calories, fat, protein, etc.  When I went on a diet, it would be easy to make changes because there were lots of things I was doing wrong.  But now the tweaks I make are much more subtle.

I have been eating dessert pretty much every night.  I've also been drinking (relatively) high-calorie coffee drinks every work day.  My meals have been very good and healthy, but those two areas were clearly becoming a problem.  In the last two weeks I have been eating a lower calorie dessert most nights (a tablespoon of cookie butter on a rice cake).  I've also been having a protein drink for lunch on the days I'm having coffee so I'm ending the day at 1,200 - 1,300 calories or so.  I've lost three pounds.  I think I would like to lose three more so that I weigh 160.  I've had a few days where I ate more than that (including today), but I am mostly staying around those numbers.

January Blahs

The weather in Eugene, Oregon is CRAP.  Days of rain and cold and wind.  It is wet and gross.  I haven't seen the sun in weeks.  It hasn't been cold enough to snow, except for a light dusting on January 2nd.

My plan was to win that 1.5 billion power ball jackpot and move somewhere warm and sunny, but THAT didn't happen.

I continue to exercise outdoors, despite the bad weather.  I was looking at my rain pants today and they are covered with dried dirt.  I have to wear them pretty much every time I go out.  I think I wore them three times (maybe five?) all last year and I haven't started exercising more or anything.  Yes, I am complaining that the drought is over.  Fucking, el niño.

I am shaking up my calorie goals again because I just can't seem to get it right.

And what's up with celebrities dropping dead all over the place?

I'm already thoroughly over the elections.

But overall, things are good.  

FIVE YEARS (and Merry Christmas!)

I have been at my goal weight for over FIVE years! 

Although my weight has fluctuated in that time, I can honestly say that I have stuck to my program.

That doesn't mean that I haven't overeaten at times or that I never make bad food choices, but I always get back to the basics.

For me the basics are:

EXERCISE.  I move each and every day in some form or another.  I walk, ride my bike, work out at the gym or do all three.  Every day, unless I am sick.  I really enjoy walking and riding my bike.  Like REALLY enjoy them.  My fella will often ask if I want him to come get me at work because the weather is total CRAP, but I like riding my bike.  I put on my rain gear and lights and warm clothes and it really doesn't matter if it is dark or wet or cold.

Speaking of which, LOOK what I got!

It is a stocking cap with a FREAKING light on it it!  I'm so excited!



FOOD PLAN: I generally log my food on MFP.  I have a calorie goal and I try to stick to it.  I eat veggies and get some protein down.  I eat all foods in moderation.  I don't eat traditional diet food (low fat, sugar free).  I think the full fat/sugar foods are more satisfying. 


WEIGH:  I weigh myself at least once a week.


That's really about it, actually.  I guess I also try to be kind to myself and avoid negative self-talk.







So, I have been kind of struggling lately, feeling like my body isn't cooperating even though I have been following my food plan carefully.  I have kept my calories below 1,500.  Still, I have gained about six pounds since August.  I am a little frustrated, but I am trying to keep things in perspective.  First of all, this is weight I lost when I was so sick after surgery, so maybe I won't get to keep it after all.  I have been making some tweaks and in January I will probably stop drinking high-calorie coffee drinks and see if that doesn't take care of it.  Still, I am 120 pounds down from my high and that is not a bad thing!


Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!  Happy New Year!

Nonsense.

There just isn't a way to string all of my thoughts into meaningful sentences, I'm afraid.  So here are some random words that are bouncing around in my brain.

Fuck. Cheese. Scale. Christmas. Money. Insurance. Anxiety. Arguing. Food. Stupid. Body. Candy. Bonus. Trip. Teenagers. Fella. Ingrates. Ruined. Therapy. Plan. Respect. Anger. Frustration. Apathy. Hate. Coffee. 1,500.  Trust. Crazy. How? Overwhelming. Unhappy. Control. 

1,200/1,400

I have read on a few blogs lately that in order to maintain weight, the writers say they need to eat about 1,400 calories per day and to lose, they eat about 1,200. 

Fuck.

That seems low.

Maybe that's why I have been maintaining at 157 and not losing down to 153 or so where I want to be.

This last week, armed with that information, I have kind of given up in frustration.  Not given up in that I am overeating, but given up in that I haven't been trying to lose because I am most certainly eating too much for that.

I haven't been on the scale in a few days and for some reason now I am afraid to get on.

Stupid fucking thing.

Rain or shine

It is raining in Eugene, Oregon (shocker!).  Since I do much of my exercise outdoors, this could create an obstacle if I let it.

My work outs are more ones of frequency than high intensity.  I walk every day, usually for about an hour.  I go out for 30-60 minutes in the morning and then walk again for 15-30 minutes in the evening, depending on what else I am doing that day.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I ride my bike to and from work, which takes about 40 minutes total.  One Tuesdays and Fridays I go to the gym.  I do 30 minutes of cardio (usually the elliptical) and 20 or so minutes of weight lifting.  I often ride my bike on the weekends as well.  And of course, there is housework, yard work, shopping, etc.  I average the equivalent of 12,000 intentional steps per day.

I do some sort of exercise each and every day.  I may miss a couple of days per year if I am sick or traveling.  I am pretty obsessive about it, to be honest.  I enjoy cycling and walking my dog very much.  Neither of those activities feel like a chore.  I do not love going to the gym, but I do it anyway.  I have rehabilitated a shoulder injury by lifting weights so I know it is important.

The right gear is really important to safe and comfortable outdoor work outs. 

This is my bike, which is currently serving as a hanger for my gear in my office.  I have Columbia Sportswear rain pants, a helmet, a cool flashy bike light on the front and back and a super-stylish reflective orange safety vest.  I wear plain old rubber boots on my feet.  You can't see my jacket in the photo, but on a day like today that is both wet and cold, it is a heavy winter jacket.  I wear the rain gear when I walk too, but forgo the safety vest and lights.

It has been dark on my night walks lately and my daughter reminded my of the Woman in Black so now that's all I can think of when I walk in the park.

Have you seen that movie?  I watched it because I love Daniel Radcliff, even though I hate horror movies.  It is very creepy and this freaky woman appears to children and others who then immediately commit suicide in increasingly horrific ways.  They often see her in seemingly innocuous places, like oh, say the bushes in the park on a dark, rainy night. 

So I am mostly just walking around my neighborhood instead. 

 

Frustration!

I can back from vacation in August up about three pounds, which seemed about right.  Since then I have gained another four pounds or so.  September was a tough month and I didn't eat lite, at all.  I continued to follow my normal plan of logging my food and exercising, but I was probably eating about 1,600 calories a day on average, which is a little more than I would need to eat to lose.

All of October was spent really working at it, but at the end of the month, I was still up.  I weighed 158 at my last weigh in. 

Usually when I am not satisfied with my weigh in, I can look at my habits and see why.  It will be too many high-calorie coffee drinks or too many desserts or something obvious.  I just looked at MFP and saw that I was about 600 calories under my goal for the current week, 900 under for the previous week and 1,100 under for the week before that. 

Now, I do know that this time of the year is when I am more likely to gain weight.  It has happened before and it usually starts with Summer vacation.  The first time, I gained about 15 pounds, the second about six.  I'm at seven or eight this time around.  This is dangerous ground for me.  I feel like my body isn't responding or I am delusional or something.