OBSESSED!

I did a Google image search for the word "obsessed" and this was what I came up with.  It is funny, but doesn't really have much to do with my post.

I am wondering how you know when maybe you've gone off the deep end as far as exercise goes.  Like, how many hours a day is too much?

I actually posed this question to the Psych Evaluator that I saw back in January and he said that as long as exercise doesn't interfere with your life, you can do as much as you want.

So, there you go.

I DO exercise quite a lot.  I work out 1-2 hours per day, every day.  I seldom miss a day.  Maybe a couple of times a year I'll miss a day because I am traveling or sick.  I have always been really active, even when I was fat.  But I keep adding one more activity, one more exercise session.  And then I feel a compulsive NEED to do it all the time.

I don't necessarily exercise with a great deal of intensity every day.  The activity I do most frequently is walk. I walk 30 minutes every morning and every evening.  I also go to the gym twice a week and do 30+ minutes of cardio (elliptical or rowing machine) and lift weights for 30 minutes or so.  Twice a week I ride my bike to work and home.  It is about 7 miles round trip.  I also ride my bike on the weekends for fun. I use Map My Walk to track my activity and I usually travel the equivalent of 7+ miles per day.  I log 12,000 intentional steps per day (so not steps just walking around at work or home - I don't track those, but steps walked on an intentional walk, or miles ridden on my bike).  I should get a fitbit or some other tracking devise and REALLY track my activity just for fun...

...because I am OBSESSED!!!

LOL.

So things continue to get better on the surgery recovery front from having my Lap Band repositioned back in February, but it has been really difficult.  Much harder than I anticipated.  I announced here recently that I could eat and I was eating without vomiting, but then I had several bad days.  We went to the beach and it was one of those trips were I had to have my fella pull the car over so I could spit up every so often.  Fun.

This is a photo of my oldest daughter and me.  Somehow she has grown taller than me.  I don't know how that even happens.

That's me and my fella.  We had a very nice trip and stayed in an AMAZING condo in Newport, Oregon.  It had a jetted tub, where we spent a good part of the weekend. The view from practically every window was incredible!

The dog and my youngest daughter also had fun!

I had an Upper GI last week and I think everything looked okay.  The technician wasn't alarmed, anyway.  Back in November when they discovered the Band slippage, the technician and radiologist were very alarmed by the images they saw and made a point to tell me how messed up things were, including my stomach, which had herniated through the Band.  This time around they didn't say anything was amiss so I guess everything was okay.  I'm sure my surgeon's office will call me if there is an issue.  I can mostly eat now.  I just need to remember the good Bandster rules and take small bites, chew thoroughly, eat slowly, etc.   When I do those things, I am able to eat pretty much whatever.

I am hoping I don't gain back any of the 20 lbs. that I lost, especially since I bought cute new clothes at the outlet mall in Lincoln City!

Here I am with my mom.  I'm wearing one of my new shirts (Columbia Sportswear - my favorite!).  It is a pretty blue.

So in addition to all this, we've also been busy planning our summer vacation.  We are going to Harry Potter world at Universal Studios and I am unbelievably excited!  We're also going to Key Largo for four days so I can lay on the beach and drink piña coladas.  All I can say is that this is a CRAZY EXPENSIVE trip!  We'll probably have to eat Top Ramen for six months after we get back!

      

Hallelujah!

Oh my goodness, I am FINALLY able to eat!

It was five weeks and three days. 

Last week I was frantically trying to get the attention of my surgeon's office.  I sent emails.  I called every day.  Finally they referred me for an upper GI.  I scheduled that and then the imaging office called to say they recommended that it be schedule two weeks out because they didn't have insurance approval yet.  I called the insurance company and literally broke down.  I sobbed to the poor guy on the phone. I explained that I hadn't eaten since surgery on February 18th. He told me to have the surgeon's office send the request as urgent so I did that and then rescheduled the appointment for Thursday. 

I was so distraught that we decided to cancel our planned long weekend at the beach.

And then somehow, somewhere, the heavens opened up and for some miraculous, unexplainable reason I was able to EAT!  It started with a couple of bites of Top Ramen noodles.  I was eating a bit of the broth that my daughter hadn't eaten on Saturday and I ate a couple of spoonfuls of noodles too. 

And I didn't puke.

Later I was at a church thing with my daughter and they served PIZZA for dinner.  I didn't want to sit there with nothing on my plate so I took a slice.

I took really small bites and chewed and chewed and chewed and...

...IT STAYED DOWN!

Today for lunch I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat bread and some Doritos.  I also had a cookie and a piece of candy.

Yes, I know I eat a lot of junk food.  I'm not ashamed.  I work it into my food plan under normal conditions.

I instructed my fella to get us another beach reservation for the weekend and he did, but it is going to cost more.

I don't even care.

I CAN EAT FOOD WITHOUT PUKING!!!

So what the heck was going on with me?

The only thing that I can come up with is that the nausea and vomiting were related to the shape my stomach was in and not related to my lap band.  When the band was repositioned, my stomach had herniated through the band and was apparently really aggravated.  Maybe I even had some sort of infection going on.  I kept saying I didn't feel like food was getting stuck, but something was making me sick.  Also I was able to eat with the Zofran (I know I just typed a whole page about how I hadn't eaten for all that time - LIES!), although I was still getting sick, even with the Zofran.

SOMETHING was going on.

I'm still having the upper GI on Thursday morning to make sure the band is in the right spot.  I will keep you posted!

But for now, I am so happy and unbelievably relieved.  I'm not saying food is the only good thing in my life, but when you can't eat without getting sick, it is like all the happiness has been sucked out of life.  I was worried and anxious and afraid I'd lose my band.  When I ate the pizza last night, it was seriously like someone turned on a light switch.  I felt happy and friendly and felt like my normal self!

Dear Dr. Mattar, Why did you give me another belly button?

As if it weren't bad enough that I have the cavernous belly button shared by most WLS patients, I now have a second indentation courtesy of my surgeon.  Why, Dr. Mattar, why did you give me a stomach dimple?  How will I ever wear a bikini?

I am told the dimple was created by suturing the Band to my muscle.

I wish I could say that I am back to normal, eating-wise, but the reality is that I am still struggling with nausea and vomiting when I eat solid foods.  I was doing fairly well last week.  I didn't take the Zofran for a couple of days.  Then TOM came to town and I was back at it.

I really can't explain what the problem is.  I don't feel like food is getting stuck in the Band.  I eat a few bites and major nausea hits.  Usually I am vomiting saliva, but the last few days I am vomiting until there's nothing left - all the food and liquids that I've had come back.  I'm mainly trying to eat mushies so it should be food that goes through okay.

On Wednesday it will be five weeks since my Band relocation surgery.

When I was first banded back in 2010, I had a very easy recovery.  I was eating solid foods after a few weeks.  I had no significant nausea or vomiting, except when I forgot to chew thoroughly or accidentally took too large a bite.  I was generally able to eat any kind of food.

If I had known it was going to be this hard, I don't know if I would have kept my band.  I'm tired of puking.  I'm both nauseated and ravenously hungry at times.  I want to sit down with my kids and enjoy a nice dinner.  I want to eat "normal" food.  I've had a few glimpses of things working okay, but most of the time I've had issues and I don't really know if its getting better.

Ugh! 

Can I keep it, PLEEEEASE?!?!?

In the process of recovering from surgery, I've lost about 12 or 13 lbs.  But I'm afraid to put it in My Fitness Pal because I don't know if I'll be able to keep it.

My Fitness Pal says I weigh 168.6, which I weighed about two days after surgery (I was 170 on surgery day).  At my post-op appointment last Monday, I weighed 158 on the fancy scale.  Yesterday I weighed less than that.

I continue to struggle to eat much.  I'm taking the Zofran, but it isn't working as well, which I was told was the case with that particular medication.  I really don't know why I am still feeling nauseated when I eat and sometimes when I drink.  I am not getting "stuck".  Food and drink seems to be going down okay for the most part.

I think the problem is that I have way too much saliva and slime being generated.  Is that a thing?  I have become nauseated the last two days after eating lunch and I've vomited,  but all that came up is slime.  Maybe I am generating slime to get the food through the much smaller band opening and it is filling my stomach and causing nausea?

I have wondered if I would have been better off just having the band removed, but then I read about Christine's experience at http://www.phoenixrevolution.net/    If you're unfamiliar, Christine is one of the Band rock stars.  She recently had a slippage and the Band had essentially eroded through her stomach.  The recovery was awful and unfortunately she's re-gained some weight.  Because of the degree of damage caused by the erosion, she isn't a good candidate for a revision.

This is my worst fear!

I like to think that all of the great things that I do would keep me on track, with or without the Band.  I log my food in MFP.  I exercise every day for 1-2 hours, 7 days a week and have for years.  I eat a diet of moderation with lots of healthy food and a few not-so-healthy foods.  Before my Band was repositioned last month, I knew that having it removed was a very real possibility.  But my Band also provides the "brakes" that my brain just doesn't seem to have naturally.

At least it used to.  Right now the brakes are on pretty much all the time.  I really hope they let up soon!  At this point I can't imagine ever having any saline added to my Band.  But I know from experience, my own and yours, that this isn't the way things will always be.

Which is why I'm afraid to put that nice, low weight into MFP.  It would really crush me to see my weight creep up as I'm able to eat more food.  I look really fabulous right now.  My stomach is flat (Except for the fucking dimple the surgeon gave me.  I'm going to Blog about that later in the week.  Can I sue?  Seriously, I will never be able to wear a bikini again!).  My legs are skinny.  I am bony all over.  I have a thigh gap like nobody's business.  My jeans that I bought in January (size 12) are hanging off of me.  My size 10s are loose too.  My large shirts look like I am a little girl wearing someone's hand me downs.  But I was happy where I was at before.  Right?  

Sup?

Me and my mom

So, I am three weeks post-op today from my band relocation.  Is that what they call it?  Who knows. 

I have been struggling to eat and even drink most of the time.  I saw the doctor on Monday morning and she thinks I should be taking the anti-nausea meds (Zofran) still (even though they make me nauseated) and have another upper GI if things don't get better. 

Monday & yesterday were frustrating, so I reluctantly took the anti-nausea meds today and I, amazingly, actually feel pretty good.  I had Taco Bell pintos & cheese for lunch with only one little bout of nausea as I was eating.  It took about two hours after I took the meds to get there, but I have even been able to drink water pretty normally.  I think I will even try to eat something for dinner tonight.  I had been sticking to liquids at night.

I know it seems like, "duh, what the hell is wrong with you?" on the medication issue, but I legitimately thought that the problem was that my band was too tight for food, not that the nausea was the problem.  But since today has been a pretty good day, I am reevaluating my position.

Have any of you ever taken Zofran?  Do you think I should only take it when I am nauseated or should I take it every 12 hours as a preventative measure to avoid the nausea?  I ask because the pharmacist said it works really well for a couple of weeks and then it doesn't work so well.  I can't imagine I will still need it in a couple of weeks, but who knows. 

Like a baby Bandster

So I am getting better since my band relocation surgery two weeks ago, but the recovery is pretty slow-going.  Basically I am fine, so long as I don't try to eat anything.  In the morning I may or may not be able to drink a bit of coffee, depending on how the day is going.  By mid-day, it is possible I will be able to eat some soup (Monday I ate a bowl of soup, yesterday maybe 10 bites).  I can drink most anything during the day (coffee, water, etc.).  Evening I've decided to stick to liquids (hot chocolate mostly) after a few disastrous attempts with soup.  Although it never happened to me personally, I can recall other Bandsters talking about only being able to eat during the day and not in the morning or evening.

Sigh.

I am not trying to lose weight.  I was perfectly happy at 170 lbs. (77 kg.).  I don't really know how much I weigh because I've stopped weighing myself.  I was getting a little funny in my head about it and I decided I wouldn't get on the scale for a while.  When I was very dehydrated after surgery, I dropped about 14 lbs. and I was weighing every night before bed and every morning when I got up.  As I started to be able to drink more, the nighttime number crept up and it bothered me.  I need to be more concerned about health than my weight right now.

I also tend to make less than great choices when I have few options available.  I just want things to be the way they were before I had my band "fixed".  Things were nearly perfect then.  The band kept my serving sizes low and I made good food choices.  We worked together, but now things are not working very well at all.  

Band relocated!

This is a picture that I took looking down so it is actually up-sidedown from your perspective (unless you're standing on your head right now, and if you are WTF?).

So I had my band put back into its original place.  My band had slipped and my stomach had done some wacky BS.  I didn't really have any major symptoms with the slippage, except for belching that kind of smelled gross.  So when people saw the x-rays of my stomach they were kind of alarmed.  I guess it was alarming to them the way my stomach was doing weird things. (Sorry about all of the scientific jargon).

But as I said, I could eat and didn't have any major symptoms.  No vomiting.  Weight holding steady around 170.  I had to travel about 100 miles from Eugene to Portland to a surgeon who would see me since my band was placed in Mexico.  It took about three months from upper-GI day until surgery day last week.  The enormous bruise you see in the picture is because my stomach was damaged pretty severely, apparently. 

Since surgery, I am a total mess.  I can hardly drink, I was nauseated for the first four days, and parts of every day since.  I can't eat.  I have lost about 14 lbs.  I'm in the 150s, which is just bizarre.  I'm back at work because I have one of those shitty jobs that doesn't give me much time off.  I have zero energy.  I'm sure I am dehydrated.  I end up puking or spitting up most of what I swallow.  I've stopped taking all of my medications because they seem to make things worse.

The weird thing is that the incisions are no big deal, even with the monster bruise. If I could eat and drink, I would feel just fine.  My surgeon is worried about motility issues.  They noted during the upper-GI that nothing was really moving through my system.  In surgery, my doctor said there was a ton of food in there, both above and below the band.  So I am hoping things will get better real fucking quick because I seriously have zero energy and I'm tired of running to the sink or bathroom to spit up (or opening my car door at stop lights because my mouth has filled with bile).  I didn't feel like I had motility issues before really, other than the belching which may be related to GERD.  I had regular BMs, I could eat anything, I was seldom hungry.  Now I can't even drink a cup of coffee :(

Do any of you have experience with this sort of thing?  I've tried to do some research, but there doesn't seem to be a lot out there.  I'm feeling really alone.  Although I look really fabulous (except that I didn't do my hair).  Don't you agree?

Oh, and the best part?  My new surgeon's name is Dr. Mattar.  If you are a Spanish-speaker like me, you know that "matar" in Spanish is "to kill".  He's awesome, really, despite the unfortunate name (and he isn't Hispanic - he's Egyptian actually).  He's at OHSU in Portland, Oregon and he gave me his cell phone number.  He also called me personally on Monday to see how I was doing.