Rain or shine

It is raining in Eugene, Oregon (shocker!).  Since I do much of my exercise outdoors, this could create an obstacle if I let it.

My work outs are more ones of frequency than high intensity.  I walk every day, usually for about an hour.  I go out for 30-60 minutes in the morning and then walk again for 15-30 minutes in the evening, depending on what else I am doing that day.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I ride my bike to and from work, which takes about 40 minutes total.  One Tuesdays and Fridays I go to the gym.  I do 30 minutes of cardio (usually the elliptical) and 20 or so minutes of weight lifting.  I often ride my bike on the weekends as well.  And of course, there is housework, yard work, shopping, etc.  I average the equivalent of 12,000 intentional steps per day.

I do some sort of exercise each and every day.  I may miss a couple of days per year if I am sick or traveling.  I am pretty obsessive about it, to be honest.  I enjoy cycling and walking my dog very much.  Neither of those activities feel like a chore.  I do not love going to the gym, but I do it anyway.  I have rehabilitated a shoulder injury by lifting weights so I know it is important.

The right gear is really important to safe and comfortable outdoor work outs. 

This is my bike, which is currently serving as a hanger for my gear in my office.  I have Columbia Sportswear rain pants, a helmet, a cool flashy bike light on the front and back and a super-stylish reflective orange safety vest.  I wear plain old rubber boots on my feet.  You can't see my jacket in the photo, but on a day like today that is both wet and cold, it is a heavy winter jacket.  I wear the rain gear when I walk too, but forgo the safety vest and lights.

It has been dark on my night walks lately and my daughter reminded my of the Woman in Black so now that's all I can think of when I walk in the park.

Have you seen that movie?  I watched it because I love Daniel Radcliff, even though I hate horror movies.  It is very creepy and this freaky woman appears to children and others who then immediately commit suicide in increasingly horrific ways.  They often see her in seemingly innocuous places, like oh, say the bushes in the park on a dark, rainy night. 

So I am mostly just walking around my neighborhood instead. 

 

Frustration!

I can back from vacation in August up about three pounds, which seemed about right.  Since then I have gained another four pounds or so.  September was a tough month and I didn't eat lite, at all.  I continued to follow my normal plan of logging my food and exercising, but I was probably eating about 1,600 calories a day on average, which is a little more than I would need to eat to lose.

All of October was spent really working at it, but at the end of the month, I was still up.  I weighed 158 at my last weigh in. 

Usually when I am not satisfied with my weigh in, I can look at my habits and see why.  It will be too many high-calorie coffee drinks or too many desserts or something obvious.  I just looked at MFP and saw that I was about 600 calories under my goal for the current week, 900 under for the previous week and 1,100 under for the week before that. 

Now, I do know that this time of the year is when I am more likely to gain weight.  It has happened before and it usually starts with Summer vacation.  The first time, I gained about 15 pounds, the second about six.  I'm at seven or eight this time around.  This is dangerous ground for me.  I feel like my body isn't responding or I am delusional or something. 

Being everything to everyone

I feel as if I have been through the ringer this year.  At first it was two major health crises: Lap-band re-positioning (followed by almost two months of sickness) and then it was the cardiac ablation procedure (which wasn't really a big deal, but kind of messed with my head for a while).  Then I worked like a crazy fool for five months.  Then my tenants put their notice in and I had to dump a bunch of money into renovating my rental property.  I also had a job offer across the state, a big fancy vacation and all the stuff I usually deal with: unhappy relationship, teenage daughters' drama, being a small business owner, etc.  Also I have gained a few pounds and that sucks.  Although I have been doing all the usual stuff to lose them, they don't seem to be going anywhere.

I have pretty much paid all of the bills associated with my rental property and yesterday the new tenants moved in.  It is actually someone I know, so I am feeling pretty good about it, which is important since I live next door.  But I emptied most of my savings to do the renovations.  This morning I was calculating things out and I was really bummed out by the final tally.

For some reason, I have been thinking about the coming holidays this week and getting preemptively stressed.  We are planning a little trip right after Christmas and I'm just not feeling it.  I don't know if I want to travel with my family.  I don't know if I can bring all of the Christmas joy to our lives, like I usually do.  I don't know what to get my kids for their main gifts.  The ideas I have seem too expensive.

I really want to do some remodeling in my house, where I live.  In fact, before my tenants gave their notice, I was thinking I would paint and replace my flooring, which is the same old carpets and vinyl that I had when I moved in eight years ago.

And I really wanted to take the job and move, but between my tenants moving out and needing to renovate my place, it would just be too expensive to leave town.  I just don't have the money.

It is cold and rainy and damp in Eugene, Oregon and so is my mood.

When does it get to be MY turn?  When does someone give a shit if I have a perfect Christmas or a perfect vacation or a perfect place to live?

Gym Night

I am supposed to go to the gym tonight, although I don't want to.  I happily do all sorts of exercise every day, but I don't enjoy the gym work outs much. 

I have to remind myself that lifting weights is very good for me.  Among other reasons, I have been able to recover from an annoying and painful shoulder injury by gently working out that area for several months and gradually increasing weight and repetition.  A year ago I would have said my shoulder would probably require surgery to function properly, but now it is about 90% of normal and I wouldn't have surgery, even if it were offered. 

Here I am heading to the hotel gym when I traveled for business last month.

Have you ever had an affair?

You don't have to answer that.  I've been thinking about having an affair.  I don't really have anyone in mind.  I'm just very lonely.

My feelings for my current fella (of 16 years) are mainly resentment, to be honest.  I don't have a lot of respect for him.  Mainly the source of these feelings is his long-term unemployment.  I divorced him over it back in 2006, but he manipulated me into letting him stay with me by telling me he was dyeing of cancer.  I didn't really believe him, but a part of me was afraid it was true.

9 years later, I have no one to blame but myself for allowing things to go on so long, but since he has no source of income, I don't know how to separate myself from him.  I can't force him to leave and he won't go voluntarily.  I don't want him to have to pitch a tent and live in the park, but I also don't want to continue being miserable for the rest of my (or his) life.

Mostly I just pretend it isn't how things are and I go about my life. 

Intellectually I know having an affair won't really change things, except maybe he would get the point.  And maybe I wouldn't be so lonely.

Vacation was a month ago and I am just now posting

Woops!

I have a very, very busy job this time of the year.  Things will be quieting down soon, but the last few weeks since I returned from vacation have been CRAZY.

We had a really nice trip.  We traveled from Eugene, Oregon to Orlando, Florida.  We went to Universal Studios to see the Harry Potter lands and it was AMAZING!  I am a complete Harry Potter geek and so are my kids, especially my oldest daughter.  Here are some pictures:

After we did four days at Universal, we rented a car and drove to the Florida Keys.  We stayed in Tavernier in a lovely condo.  The weather was lovely much of the time, but on the two days we tried to go snorkeling, a passing storm and wind respectively thwarted our plans.  This is the closest I got:

We did spend lots of time laying around the pool, shopping, eating, etc.  My youngest (age 12) went swimming with dolphins and my oldest (14) made me go parasailing with her. Here are some pics:

On our last full day, we drove down to Key West.  It was the most beautiful drive I've ever taken.

This was the trip of a lifetime.  I saved money for YEARS to make it happen.  I gained a few pounds while we were away (Key lime pie, anyone?) and unfortunately I am still struggling to drop them.  I think the stress and business of work haven't been my friend.  I am just eating about 200 calories too much each day.  I'm still tracking my food and exercising like always, but I am drinking too many coffee drinks.   

Well, this is a first.

There is a hole developing in my jeans.  Can you see it in the photo?  It is on my leg, up a bit from my knee.

I do not think I have EVER had a pair of jeans wear out before. 

I've outgrown lots of jeans.

While I was losing weight, I got too small for lots of jeans.

When I was heavy, I busted out the seams of lots of jeans.

I even ruined several pairs of (probably too tight) jeans by yanking them on and busting the belt loops out.

But I do not believe I have ever been the same size for long enough that I could actually wear out a pair of jeans.