Monday, March 16, 2015
Can I keep it, PLEEEEASE?!?!?
In the process of recovering from surgery, I've lost about 12 or 13 lbs. But I'm afraid to put it in My Fitness Pal because I don't know if I'll be able to keep it.
My Fitness Pal says I weigh 168.6, which I weighed about two days after surgery (I was 170 on surgery day). At my post-op appointment last Monday, I weighed 158 on the fancy scale. Yesterday I weighed less than that.
I continue to struggle to eat much. I'm taking the Zofran, but it isn't working as well, which I was told was the case with that particular medication. I really don't know why I am still feeling nauseated when I eat and sometimes when I drink. I am not getting "stuck". Food and drink seems to be going down okay for the most part.
I think the problem is that I have way too much saliva and slime being generated. Is that a thing? I have become nauseated the last two days after eating lunch and I've vomited, but all that came up is slime. Maybe I am generating slime to get the food through the much smaller band opening and it is filling my stomach and causing nausea?
I have wondered if I would have been better off just having the band removed, but then I read about Christine's experience at http://www.phoenixrevolution.net/ If you're unfamiliar, Christine is one of the Band rock stars. She recently had a slippage and the Band had essentially eroded through her stomach. The recovery was awful and unfortunately she's re-gained some weight. Because of the degree of damage caused by the erosion, she isn't a good candidate for a revision.
This is my worst fear!
I like to think that all of the great things that I do would keep me on track, with or without the Band. I log my food in MFP. I exercise every day for 1-2 hours, 7 days a week and have for years. I eat a diet of moderation with lots of healthy food and a few not-so-healthy foods. Before my Band was repositioned last month, I knew that having it removed was a very real possibility. But my Band also provides the "brakes" that my brain just doesn't seem to have naturally.
At least it used to. Right now the brakes are on pretty much all the time. I really hope they let up soon! At this point I can't imagine ever having any saline added to my Band. But I know from experience, my own and yours, that this isn't the way things will always be.
Which is why I'm afraid to put that nice, low weight into MFP. It would really crush me to see my weight creep up as I'm able to eat more food. I look really fabulous right now. My stomach is flat (Except for the fucking dimple the surgeon gave me. I'm going to Blog about that later in the week. Can I sue? Seriously, I will never be able to wear a bikini again!). My legs are skinny. I am bony all over. I have a thigh gap like nobody's business. My jeans that I bought in January (size 12) are hanging off of me. My size 10s are loose too. My large shirts look like I am a little girl wearing someone's hand me downs. But I was happy where I was at before. Right?