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Thursday, August 19, 2010

"Normal" Shopping

I went shopping recently at a department store. I've gone from a size 24 to a size 16 in the last six months and am shopping in "normal" stores for the first time in many years. The last time I was this size was when I got pregnant with my second daughter (actually I weighed about 25 lbs. less then). Since my initial weight gain was during my pregnancy, I didn't experience going from "normal" sizes to plus sizes. And I've been able to shop in my closet as I've lost weight and gone down in sizes. I've also been the recipient of some generous contributions from the Sisterhood. So as I walked through the "normal" section, I had some pretty extreme emotions.

First of all, I assumed people were looking at me and wondering what the heck I was doing looking at the regular size clothes. In my mind they were thinking I must have been looking for clothes for someone else or wondering if I knew that the plus sizes were in a different section. I should say that I realize that most people don't give that much thought to other people, but I guess that's what happens to my crazy, neurotic brain.

The point is that weight loss is stressful. Part of my identity is changing. I'm not the fat lady anymore. So who am I now?

The other point is that I really don't know how I look. A month or so ago I thought I looked pretty good. I weigh less now, but I am feeling less satisfied with my appearance. I don't know why.

When I was 280 lbs. (127 kg.), I thought I looked okay. It wasn't until I would see a photo of myself that I would notice how big I was. I've lost 75 lbs. (34 kg.). Will I ever be happy with how I look?

Here's a pic I took of the outfit I tried on that day. I didn't buy it.

24 comments:

Pamela E. Williams said...

Fabulous outfit!

Maria said...

You look great! I think a lot of us will always have a bit of neurosis about shopping and how we fit in. I know I will!

Colls said...

You look amazing! "I'm not the fat lady anymore. So who am I now?" You are the skinny lady! I am sorry I can't say much more on this topic because I am still the fat lady! I hope you can get some great advise from some of our other skinny ladies! <3

LDswims said...

That outfit looks great on you! And love the smile!!

Who are you now? The lady that has so far fought a worthy fight to get to where she is. If people judge, that's their issue. YOU deserve to be where you are and you deserve to be where you are going!

tessierose said...

You look amazing Amanda! What a success you are!

Heather said...

You look great Amanda! Once we get past the craziness of it all, isn't shopping fun!?

-Grace- said...

You look so tiny!! :) Cute outfit!

Jennifer said...

Be happy, you look SKINNY! Congrats on the normal sizes!!!!

Drazil said...

Love love the purple with your dark hair.

Janelle said...

You look great! This is very funny because when I am looking in "normal" sizes, I also wonder if the sales people are looking at me like I am in the wrong store/section... so you are not alone. I sometimes feel embarrassed and then wonder if they think I am looking for an outfit for someone else, too. How weird!

Neglected Foster Child said...

Absolutely understand what you mean about weighing less and yet feeling more like you don't look as good. Perhaps it's finally understanding personal potential and realizing that what would have sufficed in our minds before we now know was accomplished and so there's a desire to keep one-upping ourselves?

(And btw... you look great.)

Bianca J said...

You look great! 75 pounds down is a great accomplishment. I can relate, when I was 292.5 pounds I thought I looked ok and that I wasn't as big as I was. I've saved a couple of pairs of trousers and shirts from my heaviest and now 66 pounds later I realize, uh yeah I was that large. Some days though I look in the mirror and can't see any weight loss.

Congrats on the normal sizes.

Linda said...

You look great! Way smaller than a 16. It's hard to wrap your head around the real you now, but hopefully you'll get used to it.

CeeJay said...

You are doing so great! What a fabulous thing to be "normal". Your brain will match your body eventually, just keep telling yourself...I'm a skinny chick!

Kerri said...

You look GREAT!!!

Mary said...

You are looking fabulous! I've just started shopping in the normal size section and I know what you're talking about. It's almost like culture shock!

Cindylew said...

You look great Manders...it'll just take awhile for your head to figure out and accept how wonderful and "normal" you look.

DB said...

Love the outfit - you should be so proud of yourself!!!

Lap Band Gal said...

You're doing great, keep it up!

Kinzie said...

Holy crap look at you! You look so tall and thin. You keep going and you are going to have a Cameron Diaz figure! Wow, I will I was taller than 5'2" and about 20 years younger.

Michelle said...

You look great!!! Yeah I feel like I don't fit in shopping in the regular section. Like people are looking at me and thinking the same thing. Also like you I didn't notice a difference until I looked at my pictures.

Bonnie said...

You are not alone. I notice a them in other blogs of ladies getting harder on themselves as they get skinnier. Not sure how I feel about that. Since I'm at the beginning of this journey, I'm still the fat chic trying to lose weight. When you look at the picture you took, how do you feel you look? I hope your answer is "awesome" because that is the truth.

Lena said...

You look fantastic. I am so happy for you and can't wait to get to where you are.

Stephanie said...

You didn't buy the outfit? You look so nice in it!!! :)