I went shopping recently at a department store. I've gone from a size 24 to a size 16 in the last six months and am shopping in "normal" stores for the first time in many years. The last time I was this size was when I got pregnant with my second daughter (actually I weighed about 25 lbs. less then). Since my initial weight gain was during my pregnancy, I didn't experience going from "normal" sizes to plus sizes. And I've been able to shop in my closet as I've lost weight and gone down in sizes. I've also been the recipient of some generous contributions from the Sisterhood. So as I walked through the "normal" section, I had some pretty extreme emotions.
First of all, I assumed people were looking at me and wondering what the heck I was doing looking at the regular size clothes. In my mind they were thinking I must have been looking for clothes for someone else or wondering if I knew that the plus sizes were in a different section. I should say that I realize that most people don't give that much thought to other people, but I guess that's what happens to my crazy, neurotic brain.
The point is that weight loss is stressful. Part of my identity is changing. I'm not the fat lady anymore. So who am I now?
The other point is that I really don't know how I look. A month or so ago I thought I looked pretty good. I weigh less now, but I am feeling less satisfied with my appearance. I don't know why.
When I was 280 lbs. (127 kg.), I thought I looked okay. It wasn't until I would see a photo of myself that I would notice how big I was. I've lost 75 lbs. (34 kg.). Will I ever be happy with how I look?
Here's a pic I took of the outfit I tried on that day. I didn't buy it.