My diamond shoes are too tight.

You know how fitness and weight maintenance is pretty easy sometimes and at other times it is hard?  I'm having a hard time these days.

I don't really know what the problem is, which is often the case with me.  I have been going along and doing what I do, but for some reason I had a crappy weigh-in this week.  I was 155, which is two pounds higher than what I consider my goal-weight.  Actually I consider 150 my goal, but I have a three-pound acceptable range so 153 is the heaviest I would like to see.  The only possible explanation I can offer is that I have had a few high calorie days since the last time I weighed myself, which was about ten days ago.  I normally weigh myself once a week and I will often have one high-calorie day during a normal week.  I think I had three days of the ten during which I exceed my calorie allotment. 

My daily calorie allowance is 1,050 net calories so 1,050 plus whatever I burn by working out.  I am very active (I average about 12,000 intentional steps per day).  I offer this information so that people know that when you abuse your body (not that way, ya pervs) for years and years by starving yourself, dieting, binging, compulsively exercising, etc. you fuck up your metabolism and end up not being able to eat as much as a "normal" if you want to stay relatively thin.  It sucks, but it is the way it works.

Today I was back to 153, but again, this is the highest number I care to see so I still need to keep my calories low so I can get a little lower and feel more comfortable.

It is exhausting being me sometimes.

I have about six or seven months a year when my job is pretty crazy - April - the end of September or so.   The rest of the time, things are busy part of the month, but not too bad the rest of the time.  In the summer, I also do all the summer things that my daughters want so they can have a childhood.  So we go camping once or twice a month on the weekend.  One weekend day is spent driving them to camp (this year that trip took me 10.5 hours). I have to work one Saturday, 8/1 so I will only have one day off that week.  The next weekend is my birthday and we are going to take a day trip to go back-to-school shopping.  I also will be taking a week off for vacation at the end of August.  We're going to the fair this Sunday.  I'm also trying to have some work done around my house.  (Does anyone know why contractors are so flaky?). 

Don't get me wrong.  I am so lucky to be able to all this stuff and I know that.  This is not a case of "my diamond shoes are too tight".  This is a case of "Mama's fucking exhausted.  She's tired of working non-stop.  She's tired of pinching pennies so we can go to the fucking fair or camp or on vacation or camping or back-to-school shopping".  Do you know I have been saving money since February to pay for back-to-school shopping?  Every month, I put a bit away.  I spend eight months of the year saving for that and my car insurance and the rest of the time saving for Christmas shopping.  Mama's so tired she'd have a drink, but there are too many fucking calories and didn't you read the first several paragraphs of this blog???

Maybe I should start smoking weed.  It is legal in Oregon now.