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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I remember an episode of Seinfeld where one of the characters - Elaine, I think - describes an issue she's having with a neighbor.  At first they were friendly and they'd say hello when they passed in the halls and maybe stop for a chat.  As time passed, they only smiled and nodded.  After more time, the smiles stop, the nods stop until finally they are glaring at each other when they pass.  It is like they hate each other, but there's no reason for the animosity.

That's how it has become for me and this blog.

I used to write almost daily.  I looked forward to writing and checking in with all of you.  Then my posts became less frequent.  I had less to say about weight loss and my Lap-band.  But I'd still stop in and smile and nod from time to time.  But somehow I started actively avoiding my blog and I don't really know why.

True, I lost all my weight and got to goal.  In fact I lost another 15 lbs. after I hit goal.  Also true that I regained some weight over the holidays and have spent the last six months losing a bit and then regaining.  I'm still under goal, but I'm about 10 lbs. from where I was and it is frustrating.  Some of my clothes are tighter than I'd like them to be. 

I have found myself going back to what I used to do: dieting.  And then I realized what I was doing and I quit it and I lost several lbs.  I felt good and was confident that I'd be back at my previous weight.  And then I had about three weeks of not-so-great eating.  And my weight didn't just creep up.  It SHOT up!  Now I'm back where I was in January when I started trying to lose the holiday weight.

Fuck.

I've been eating well for several days.  I know what works.  I need to eat three meals a day with only planned snacks in between.  I can't "go on a diet" or my brain freaks out and I start binging and starving. 

I had a good long time where weight loss was easy.  I also enjoyed several months of easy maintenance.  If I slipped up, it didn't seem to be noted on the scale.  Not the case these days.

Fuck.

6 comments:

Cat said...

Hi you!! I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are. Thanks for poking in and saying hello. I completely understand your frustation. I didn't even make it to my goal before reaching a point where it isn't as easy as it was the first 10 months. It was easy...now it's not. I don't know what changed. I am however glad you stopped by to say hi.

Lyla said...

I'm glad you popped back up and it coincides when I popped back up.

You've been there, done that, and you can do it again. Do you think it's time for an adjustment? I went through the same thing over Christmas and then finally thought, duh, it's been a while since my last fill. It has helped.

Lonicera said...

Glad all is OK with you - except the weight fluctuations. I used to enjoy your writing about your working life, your sister, your partner... why not update us? Unless it's nosey of me to ask, in which case pretend I didn't ask!
Caroline

MandaPanda said...

Long time, no see! For me, blogging is therapy...nothing more, nothing less...like one big support group. I've spent 6 months fighting the same 5 lbs. I hear you on frustrated. Let's be frustrated together. ((HUGS))

CeeJay said...

Oh my, you are telling my story! I can so relate to what you've written today. It is a constant struggle. Hang in there!

Lap Band Gal said...

I've missed your posts. Glad to see that you're back. What's your plan to lose those extra lbs?