I remember an episode of Seinfeld where one of the characters - Elaine, I think - describes an issue she's having with a neighbor.  At first they were friendly and they'd say hello when they passed in the halls and maybe stop for a chat.  As time passed, they only smiled and nodded.  After more time, the smiles stop, the nods stop until finally they are glaring at each other when they pass.  It is like they hate each other, but there's no reason for the animosity.

That's how it has become for me and this blog.

I used to write almost daily.  I looked forward to writing and checking in with all of you.  Then my posts became less frequent.  I had less to say about weight loss and my Lap-band.  But I'd still stop in and smile and nod from time to time.  But somehow I started actively avoiding my blog and I don't really know why.

True, I lost all my weight and got to goal.  In fact I lost another 15 lbs. after I hit goal.  Also true that I regained some weight over the holidays and have spent the last six months losing a bit and then regaining.  I'm still under goal, but I'm about 10 lbs. from where I was and it is frustrating.  Some of my clothes are tighter than I'd like them to be. 

I have found myself going back to what I used to do: dieting.  And then I realized what I was doing and I quit it and I lost several lbs.  I felt good and was confident that I'd be back at my previous weight.  And then I had about three weeks of not-so-great eating.  And my weight didn't just creep up.  It SHOT up!  Now I'm back where I was in January when I started trying to lose the holiday weight.

Fuck.

I've been eating well for several days.  I know what works.  I need to eat three meals a day with only planned snacks in between.  I can't "go on a diet" or my brain freaks out and I start binging and starving. 

I had a good long time where weight loss was easy.  I also enjoyed several months of easy maintenance.  If I slipped up, it didn't seem to be noted on the scale.  Not the case these days.

Fuck.