I have stuff to do at work and I'm not doing it. I've been playing games, checking Facebook and now reading (and writing) blog posts. I swear I'm not a procrastinator. The problem is that there is an email in my in basket that I am afraid to read. I know I need to open it, but I can't and the anxiety is sending me into fits.
I used to eat when I was anxious. I did it so much that I didn't even know I had an anxiety issue until I quit binging over it.
I know that there are drugs for what I am experiencing, but I don't have health insurance or even a doctor that I see. It would be a major expense to try to get help right now. When my bills are paid this week, I will have $175.52 left over for groceries and anything else my family of four needs. I do have some cash I've been squirreling away that will go for food because $175.52 will NOT get us through two weeks. It just won't.
My last two weekends have been less-than relaxing due to my reacting badly to stress. The first weekend because I saw this financial hurdle coming up and was preemptively stressed out. This last weekend I had to deal with the person who's email I am avoiding today.
My brain gets stuck in a loop of conversation going over and over about the issue I'm anxious about. I try to direct my thoughts elsewhere, but they always drift back. I can distract myself with a book or a TV show or writing a blog post for a little while. As you can imagine, it interferes with my sleep sometimes. I even took Tylenol PM over the weekend. It didn't help Friday night, but it helped Saturday and Sunday. I didn't take any last night and I slept okay. But now I've got that fucking email that I need to open. Ugh!