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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Putting Shit Off

I have stuff to do at work and I'm not doing it.  I've been playing games, checking Facebook and now reading (and writing) blog posts.  I swear I'm not a procrastinator.  The problem is that there is an email in my in basket that I am afraid to read.  I know I need to open it, but I can't and the anxiety is sending me into fits. 

I used to eat when I was anxious.  I did it so much that I didn't even know I had an anxiety issue until I quit binging over it. 

I know that there are drugs for what I am experiencing, but I don't have health insurance or even a doctor that I see.  It would be a major expense to try to get help right now.  When my bills are paid this week, I will have $175.52 left over for groceries and anything else my family of four needs.  I do have some cash I've been squirreling away that will go for food because $175.52 will NOT get us through two weeks.  It just won't.

My last two weekends have been less-than relaxing due to my reacting badly to stress.  The first weekend because I saw this financial hurdle coming up and was preemptively stressed out.  This last weekend I had to deal with the person who's email I am avoiding today.

My brain gets stuck in a loop of conversation going over and over about the issue I'm anxious about.  I try to direct my thoughts elsewhere, but they always drift back.  I can distract myself with a book or a TV show or writing a blog post for a little while.  As you can imagine, it interferes with my sleep sometimes.  I even took Tylenol PM over the weekend.  It didn't help Friday night, but it helped Saturday and Sunday.  I didn't take any last night and I slept okay.  But now I've got that fucking email that I need to open.  Ugh!

10 comments:

Sandy Lee said...

If prescription drugs are out of reach, try some vitamin D, calcium, and some B vitamins along with your regular vitamin. It seems to help me get through the long winter SAD season and may give you a little boost. I also find the D helps me sleep. I hope things get better soon. Saying a little prayer for you. And hope the email gets opened and dealt with.

Robyn's Nest said...

Amanda, open it and get it over with- like ripping off a band-aid.
You should look into meditation, maybe that will help.

Rain Howard said...

I can help you with this. My meds help to some extent but learning how to deal with the anxiety helps more than anything.

Cat said...

Ugh! I totally get trying to avoid in order to hold off having to deal. I have to think though, sometimes it's best to just rip it off and get it over with like Robyn suggested. You are in my thoughts.

Tina said...

I am a huge avoider too..I feel your pain. Frankly the drugs help a little but not everything. Did you finally face the evil email? I try and talk myself into getting these things over with...but I don't always win :)

I hope you feel better!!

xxxooo

MandaPanda said...

I agree to rip it off like a band aid. You seem to already know what it says so might as well face it head on. Avoiding it won't make it go away and this way you can start to handle it instead of worrying yourself to death. I would try Sandy Lee's and Robyn's suggestions. They might help.

Lyla said...

You can do this. Whatever it is you're avoiding-- you've lived through worse than the worst anxiety-inducing outcome you're probably managed, and you KNOW you'll feel better when you do it.

I can sometimes be an avoider too, and it is NEVER worth the extra anxiety. Avoidance is the evil part, not the anxiety, because anxiety goes away as soon as you face and get through the task.

Lee Ann said...

Oh I think you need a HUG. So here's one from me. (((((((((((( ^ ^ ))))))))))))))

Stephanie said...

I suffer from anxiety too and if you need to talk, feel free to email me at sjoy1972@gmail.com :) Hugs!!

Ronnie said...

I am the same way about e-mails I don't want to read, or voicemails I don't want to listen to, especially. I HATE confrontation. :( (If it's that kind of e-mail anyhow.)