Do you ever just get tired of thinking about what you eat and what you weigh? I am really saick of it. It is so bad that I haven't even really been blogging, posting or reading. Won't there come a time when I can just announce that I'm cured and put it all behind me forever?
I haven't been tracking my food, but I think I should start again. I feel like I've been eating okay, but I didn't like my weigh in this morning so I guess I need to do something. Maybe I'll try a free on-line tracker. Does anyone have one they suggest?
The rest of my life has been...not fantastic. I have a lot of stressful things hitting me from every side. I don't want to bore you with all that, but I will mention one specific thing because I need some advice. My oldest daughter has had a history of stealing. She hasn't had any real issues for about a year, but her dad and I caught her last night with something in her bag that she had taken from my office. She first tried to lie and say a kid at school gave it to her. We knew she was lying, but she insisted so we told her we would be talking to her teacher and the child she fingered would be questioned. She went upstairs and returned a few minutes later to say she was lying and that she'd actually stolen the thing from my office. We appreciated her honesty.
In the past when she stole, we had her write letters of apology and she was grounded. The last time she had to perform five hours of chores during which time she was grounded and write an essay on why stealing is wrong. It has been a year since she's stolen so I guess we felt that the problem was solved. This time she's been grounded for the time it takes her to complete 10 hours of chores, she has to write a letter of apology and she has to donate a bag of her things to the Goodwill. What do you guys think? Does this seem appropriate? Does anyone have any ideas about teaching kids not to steal. My daughter is 10 years old.
Both her dad and I stole when we were her age and my sister's kids have been caught stealing. I know it isn't unusual, but obviously we want it to stop.
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14 comments:
Maybe you could talk the local police department into letting her stand in a holding cell by herself for a little while and explain to her that that is where she could end up if she continues this bad habit and gets caught by someone not so forgiving. Does that sound harsh? I don't have kids so I'm not the best advice giver on the matter.
I have caught my sisters stealing and my approach was to threaten to beat their asses if I ever caught them doing that again and they are afraid of me so as far as I know they listened. At least they don't do it around me anyway.
I like though how your punishments make her connect emotionally to what she did wrong by making her write it out on paper. Shame isn't a bad thing when you are trying to teach a lesson.
You are doing great with your daughter. Dont let up.
I wish we could be "Cured"
I think guilt is good and a healthy amount of guilt can keep a person in line, but shame is different, shame is when you think you are bad, rather than what you did is bad. Your daughter is stealing because it makes her feel good, until she gets caught. It is like eating in secret or a secret affair, it is how she is trying to take care of herself. I dont' know the answer, but I think if you can figure out what has happenend lately that drove her to steal again, maybe you can get to the bottom of it. Good luck!
Good thought Tessie.
I am not sure either. I do feel the punishment you gave her is a great one. Do you think she feels remorse when she is getting punished?
Today I feel like I was cured. But today I know I am far from it!
That was today I feel like I wish I was cured...not I feel like I was cured! ggrrrr
Oh,and I forgot to add that I like to track on my fitness pal for tracking. Hang in there Amanda, your daughter is lucky to have such a compassionate, grounded mom!
I use myfitnesspal.com for my tracking. I find it has just about every item I eat in it!
As far as your daughter goes, I remember when my sister was about 10, she stole bird food from the grocery store. My mother found out and brought her to the store and she had to give it back and apologize to the manager. She never stole anything again!
MyFitnessPal is waht I use and I love it so much. My favorite part of their website is that you can remember your meals once you put the food in individually, if you go with it and need some help navigating let me know. I love that website. It hardly takes me anytime anymore to log my food because I have all my frequent foods set up.
I think your punishment is good, maybe you should ask her to write down why she stole or maybe if she wants to steal something that she should tell you and you can talk about it. I don't know. Or maybe you can help her brainstorm different things for her to do when she feels like she wants to steal something, kind of like a coping skill...??? I dunno, those are just some thoughts.
I use caloriecount.com It has food tracking, the ability to create meals and add recipes are awesome. It also has nearly everything I eat including resturants and popular grocery stores.
As for your daughter, I agree with Tessie that shame is probably not what you are going for, but to understand that stealing isn't an acceptable behavior. I like that you have her pay back with chores and donating some of her things. Also, I think asking to explain how she was feeling when she stole the item. Also, I know money is tight, but is there any allowance money for her? Maybe she's feeling the sting of the tight budget? Just a few ideas to think about.
I think the things you listed as the consequences are just exactly what I'd do - or the kinds of things I'd do. I'm big on writing essays - things that keep the thing and why I'm not happy with it in the forefront of her mind. Good luck!
I use myfitnesspal.com, I actually use it on my iphone app mostly but i have also used the site. It is incredibly useful in tracking calories, evercise and water intake.
As for your daughter, I know it happens more than we know. Hopefully, it is just a phase but it seems that you escalating the Punishments like you've been is a good way to get her to stop. Perhaps you should take her to do some "community service" with those less fortunate so she can appreciate all that she has.
Seems like you are setting good boundaries. I work with kids with these problems and the donation of her things to Goodwill is ingenious! Maybe having her volunteer at the food pantry or something along those lines would make her see those less fortunate. Maybe that would get her to see that she doesn't have it so "bad"
I use a "tap & track" program on my ipod touch to track calories. It is the only program I have actually paid for and I love it!
All good suggestions above! I think your approach with your daughter is on target. I agree with some others that suggest volunteering with the homeless...people who truly have nothing and still don't steal to get what they need. There may be a lesson there.
I went through a period of stealing around her age, up until I was about 13. I had everything I could have wanted from my parents and no real good reason to be doing it. When I think back, the best answer I could give you for why is because I liked the thrill of it. I wasn't starved for attention, I didn't need the stuff, I just LIKED doing it. Which was horrible because I knew about shoplifters getting in trouble from listening to my dad's stories from work. It was almost as if I wanted to prove that I could do it better and not get caught.
I'm not sure what the right punishment would be for something like this. It's a good thing that you're catching her, otherwise she might get in trouble with others for doing it and that would be worse. Like I said, negative reinforcement wouldn't have worked on me back then because I had seen a lot of the results of that from my dad's job as a retail manager. But maybe talk to her and see if she can give you a reason why she's doing it. Out of competition with her friends, etc. Is she shoplifting stuff she wants that the other kids have or is it odd stuff that really doesn't matter?
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