I haven't posted for awhile. A lot is going on. I am overwhelmed and stressed out. I don't know how to talk about my worries so I haven't posted. Yesterday I felt like I was going to explode for a variety of reasons, but one of the things that kept setting me off was that people were calling my cell phone.
I know I'm not the only one in Blogland who suffers from social phobia. I consider mine to be pretty minor in comparison to others who've shared their experiences. But my issues still get in my way sometimes, especially when I'm already overwhelmed.
I have been dealing with the insurance company about my roof and that's been fine, but it really irritates me that the agent insists on calling me on my cell phone in response to my email. If I email you, you should email me back. Don't call. Don't stop by. Click "reply". It is really simple. Because I cannot cope with speaking to you right now. When I am overwhelmed, it helps to have email to refer back to for details of our conversations.
I have a new tenant lined up for my duplex. I live in half and rent the other half out. So in addition to picking out my tenant, I'm also picking out my neighbor. It is overwhelming. My fella isn't happy with my choice. I say choice, but really fair housing laws don't permit me to "chose" someone. I have to accept the first qualified applicant, even if they aren't my first choice. So now if there are any problems, I'll never hear the end of it from the fella. Great. I also told my new tenant not to call my cell phone and to call my office or the property manager. She "stalker called" me three times in a row and didn't leave a message. I was driving and am prohibited by law from answering my cell phone. Annoying.
You are probably wondering about the title of this post. It refers to my first memory of my social phobia. We went to my best friend's family's house for a BBQ. My mom gave me a watermelon to carry in. I was about six and the idea of walking up to the door while holding a watermelon petrified me. I was afraid they'd answer the door and say, "Why are you bringing a watermelon?". What if we had the wrong day? It was irrational, but I often have those overwhelming feelings when I must deal with people or answer the phone. And it gets worse when I'm overwhelmed.
I feel like burying my head in the sand. Work is so busy. I have a bunch of church obligations in the next week. It was my daughter's birthday Tuesday and she's having her friends over Saturday night. My other daughter has two soccer games this weekend. She had a dance recital this morning at 8:00 AM.
I hate complaining in my blog. You guys are always so sweet and your comments really make me feel better, but then I feel bad for burdening you. I know you all have your own problems and issues. Sometimes you've contacted me by email or sent me something to cheer me up and I feel even worse for bothering you. I have written before about my "shit or get off the pot" mindset when it comes to complaints. I expect myself to either do something differently or quit complaining about things. But I also feel bad for not blogging. It helps me to process what's going on. So here you go - This is me today. I'm carrying the watermelon into the BBQ and feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed.