Update, Amanda-style!

Hello Blogland!

Look, I'm posting two days in a row!  In a comment on my last post, someone suggested that I talk about things that are going on in my life like work, kids, etc. to give me something to write about (other than how I have nothing to write about).

This is a picture of my daughter.  She was in a soccer tournament over Memorial Day weekend.  She plays goalie.  I am pretty crazy about this kid!  She is playing for a new team the spring.  I have a lot of pain and hurt feelings about her last team which seems really nuts to me and I've thought about writing about it, but it seemed too complicated and I kept telling myself I should get over it.  Maybe writing about it will help.  Caelyn has played for the same team since first grade.  She's in 5th grade now.  Last summer we received an email that the coach and one of the parents had had a falling out and the assistant coach was wanting to combine the team with another team.  Wanting the best for everyone, I agreed to go along.  I felt badly for the old coach.  He had given so much to the team and to Caelyn and he was essentially being squeezed out.  Caelyn had to "try out" for the new team, which was very stressful, but everyone made the team who came to the tryouts from the two teams that were merging.

As it turns out, the new coach's daughter plays the same position as Caelyn, goalie.  We weren't worried about it because Caelyn is a really good goalie and they both played other positions too.  Generally you switch goalies at half-time anyways so two kids can share the position.  Except the coach never put Caelyn in as goalie.  Okay.  We are team players.  I let the assistant coach know I wasn't too happy about it and I told Caelyn to let the coach know she wanted to play goalie sometimes.

The thing is that the coach's daughter wasn't as good as Caelyn in goal, but she was a little snot.  She told Caelyn that she was an All-Star player and could play several different positions.  She was okay in several positions and was a pretty good goalie, but still.  I heard her yell at another kid in practice for not kicking the ball straight at her.  By the end of the season, Caelyn's confidence was shot.  This coach did not appreciate her and he made her feel badly about herself.  Asshole.

Caelyn usually plays indoor soccer in the winter so we found her a new team to play on for the indoor season.  She was happier and had fun.  Indoor soccer is just for fun - there are no practices, just a game once a week.  The problem was that the team sucked!  I think the lost all the games but one or two.  Luckily they made a better Spring team and they actually had an undefeated season in the Spring!  Caelyn was the starting goalie.  She played in various defensive positions for half of the games.  And the put her on the tournament team for Memorial Day.

The first tournament game ended in a tie which means they have a shoot out to determine the winner.  A shoot out is where they line the kids up and they get five penalty shots directly at the goal with only the goalie to stop them.  Caelyn was the goalie for the shoot out and she even got to take a shot on the opposing team's goalie (which she made).  Needless to say, she won the shoot out by stopping more shots AND by kicking one in on the other team too!  They won two of their games and lost two.  I think they finished 5 of the 7 teams in the tournament, but it was a redemption of sorts! 

I can't believe I care this much about 5th grade soccer...Actually what I really care about is my daughter and her happiness and that assholes don't hurt her.     

I remember an episode of Seinfeld where one of the characters - Elaine, I think - describes an issue she's having with a neighbor.  At first they were friendly and they'd say hello when they passed in the halls and maybe stop for a chat.  As time passed, they only smiled and nodded.  After more time, the smiles stop, the nods stop until finally they are glaring at each other when they pass.  It is like they hate each other, but there's no reason for the animosity.

That's how it has become for me and this blog.

I used to write almost daily.  I looked forward to writing and checking in with all of you.  Then my posts became less frequent.  I had less to say about weight loss and my Lap-band.  But I'd still stop in and smile and nod from time to time.  But somehow I started actively avoiding my blog and I don't really know why.

True, I lost all my weight and got to goal.  In fact I lost another 15 lbs. after I hit goal.  Also true that I regained some weight over the holidays and have spent the last six months losing a bit and then regaining.  I'm still under goal, but I'm about 10 lbs. from where I was and it is frustrating.  Some of my clothes are tighter than I'd like them to be. 

I have found myself going back to what I used to do: dieting.  And then I realized what I was doing and I quit it and I lost several lbs.  I felt good and was confident that I'd be back at my previous weight.  And then I had about three weeks of not-so-great eating.  And my weight didn't just creep up.  It SHOT up!  Now I'm back where I was in January when I started trying to lose the holiday weight.

Fuck.

I've been eating well for several days.  I know what works.  I need to eat three meals a day with only planned snacks in between.  I can't "go on a diet" or my brain freaks out and I start binging and starving. 

I had a good long time where weight loss was easy.  I also enjoyed several months of easy maintenance.  If I slipped up, it didn't seem to be noted on the scale.  Not the case these days.

Fuck.