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Thursday, February 24, 2011

There's another Amanda

Okay, I'm actually not sure if her name is really Amanda as she goes by Manda, but she starts her pre-op tomorrow so go on over and give her some love: http://anotherdayanotherdaydream.blogspot.com/2011/02/bam-bang-splat.html

One day we may uncover the mystery of why there are so many Amandas that need WLS. 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Size 10!!!

I bought a pair of jeans yesterday SIZE 10!  The shirt is a size medium and I bought that yesterday too, but I promptly had to put my jacket back on after the photo was snapped because it is really cold today - too cold for short sleeves!

When I had lap-band WLS last February I was wearing a size 24 pants and 3X shirt.  I haven't worn a size 10 in so long it wasn't even a size 10 then (thank you vanity sizing!).  I can't tell you how amazing this feels!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The one where Chandler can't cry

The title is a reference to an episode of Friend's where everyone learns that Chandler can't cry, even at sad movies like ET.   When Joey asks him if he cried during Bambi when hunters shot the mother deer, Chandler replies, "Yes it was very sad, when the guy stopped drawing the deer.". Eventually everyone determines that Chandler is dead inside.  And some other stuff happens, but that's not the point of this post.

I can't cry.  Ever.  Not when my father-in-law died suddenly at the age of 60.  Not when my brother-in-law committed suicide.  Not when my biological father died.  Not when three of my four grandparents died.  Not when my children were born.  Not even when the guy in the Folgers coffee commercial sneaks home secretly and wakes his parents up with aromatic coffee on Christmas morning.

I occasionally tear up.  One or even two errant tears may make their way down my cheeks, but I don't cry.  I think I'm dead inside.

When I was younger, I cried pretty regularly.  I sobbed for days when Eddie and I broke up.  I was devastated when my dog Bear died.  I cried from time to time during the first several months of marriage.  My emotions were quite overwhelming.  My mom once said I was neurotic and she didn't mean it as a joke.  I don't remember when I stopped crying.  I think it had to do with some things that happened early on in my marriage.  I felt really, profoundly let down by my husband. 

If I have a strong emotion now, it is likely to be anger.  I have said and done things in anger that I later regretted.  I have broken things and said hurtful things that I can't take back.  It doesn't happen often, thank God.  Mostly I just coast along on a pretty even keel.  I'm neither super-happy nor super-sad.  I just am.

I used to use food to insulate myself from my emotions.  I ate when I was angry, stressed, sad, whatever.  Sometimes I still do, but not usually.  Usually I just...am.  Which kind of worries me.  Am I really dead inside?  Of course I know I'm not, but can you truly have joy without some sorrow? 

Can anyone relate or am I the Chandler of our group? 

Monday, February 21, 2011

Have you ever searched "tight" on google images?

I wanted an image to go along with the post and apparently "tight" is a dirty word, or at least Google Images says it is.  So I'm going with kitten stuck in a tight spot:


My band's tight!  I don't know why.  I'm not stressed.  It isn't TOM.  I don't have a cold.  I don't think there've been any changes in the barometric pressure.  My band is just tight.  It just is.  There's no reason.

I THOUGHT that my tight band caused me to eat lightly yesterday, but it did not.  I managed 1,400 calories.  Damn, ice cream has a lot of calories! 

This week is shaping up to be a little hectic.  My daughter's 10th birthday is Monday, 2/28 and we are having as many as four extra 10-year-olds sleeping over Friday night.  I don't get paid until Thursday and I won't have a car that day (the fella will have it) AND he works all evening SO I'm not sure when I will be purchasing food for the extra kids to eat.  I am trying to convince my mom to come over and help me straighten up Thursday night.  Maybe she can take me to the store?

We'll be having a family dinner next Monday night.  My daughter wants spaghetti and bread for dinner and make-your-own sundaes.  

Anywhoozle...I'm rambling!  I just wanted to post SOMETHING!  Have a great rest of your Monday!  
 

Help needed!

If you're not already, please join me in following http://ashlylin-lookingahead.blogspot.com/ .  She's asking for help and I know we'll be there for her!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Not sure what I think about this...

Weight issues and my family are not strangers.  My mom has been overweight as long as I can remember.  My maternal grandparents were overweight.  All my maternal aunts and uncles are overweight.  In most cases we were normal weight children and young adults.  The weights issues came with pregnancy or middle age. 

Not so with the current generation of children.  Two of my sisters kids are obese and my oldest daughter is...not thin.  My little sister is 16 and she's been overweight for the last couple of years.  Not huge, but not real thin.  Probably 20 lbs. overweight.

My oldest sister (age 40) put her daughter in Weight Watchers a few weeks ago.  My niece is 10.  They had to get special permission from her pediatrician for her to join.  I don't know what to say about that.

Part of me feels that she is too young.  I think diets are one of the main factors that contribute to obesity.  Every person that I've ever interacted with that has a weight problem as an adult, has a history of dieting.  The other main factor is that we tends to eat for reasons other than hunger.  Diets don't teach us to eat when we're hungry and stop when we're full.  They teach us to eat what and when the diet says to eat.  Diets further alienate us from our sense of hunger and satiety. 

But the other part of me feels that Weight Watchers could be a valuable teaching tool.  After all, it is important that adults and children learn about serving sizes and nutrition.  I also think that as far as diet plans go, Weight Watchers is a very good plan.  It seems to be based on the idea of all foods in moderation which I believe is the best way to go. 

But I see this girl doing things that worry me.  This morning, for example, we stopped by a book  store and she bought a new book.  As she checked out she added a candy bar to her order and said, "It's for my friend.".  Already at the age of 10, she is embarrassed to be eating unhealthy foods and engaging in sneaky behavior to get her food. 

I can relate.

Can't kids just be kids?  I don't want my daughter, turning 10 on 2/28, to have to feel ashamed of eating food.  I work hard to teach her about nutrition and serving sizes.  She is overweight, but so was I when I was her age and I grew out of it (at least for 20 years).  Maybe my head is just buried in the sand. 

Sometimes I feel guilty for passing on my "bad" genes.  I hate the idea of my daughter living with the pain that I did.  Agh!!!        

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I was messing with Windows Movie Maker today...

video

Cookie dough, Girl Scout cookies and valentine's treats

When I reported my "big" loss yesterday (of 1.4 lbs. - important only because it was the first time since December that I'd lost more than 1 lb. in a week) someone asked if I'd done anything differently during the week that may have contributed to the extra loss.  The answer is YES!

Yes, I made cookies on Saturday and ate a few spoonfuls of uncooked dough.  Yes, I also bought Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies from a friend's daughter and ate EIGHT of them on Sunday.  Yes, because on Monday my mom brought me chocolate covered strawberries for Valentine's Day and I had one on Monday and one on Tuesday.  (She also brought me some Dove chocolates but I haven't gotten into those YET).

So one may assume that this weight loss was an undeserved "fluke", but the reality is that I did my best to log ALL my little extras and adjust my other meals a bit to accommodate the extra calories.  I did have to estimate the spoonfuls of cookie dough (I figured them at equal to two full cookies), but otherwise I was pretty much on target.

The point of all this is that it is possible to fit treats into your meal plan.  When you eat cookies or candy, you don't have to beat yourself up.  You don't have to throw in the towel and figure you might as well keep eating since you screwed up the day anyway.  You need not publicly flog yourself on your blog because it really is okay to have treats from time to time! 

I know that some people have issues with sugar and sweets and consider them trigger foods that are best to be avoided.  I used to believe that too actually.  For me now, however, not eating certain foods makes them much more attractive and desirable.  I guess it is my inner rebellious teenager! 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Down 1.4 lbs.

For the first time in MONTHS, I have actually lost more than one pound this week!  I am down 1.4 lbs. (.6 kg.) for a total of 106.4 lbs. (48.3 kg.).  I now weigh 173.6 lbs. (79.2 kg.).  My BMI is 26.4.

It has been nearly three months since I saw a loss greater than one pound in a week.  I've been in the 170's since December 17, 2010.  At this point I am considering it an aberration.  Next week I'll probably be down .2 lbs. (.09 kg.).

I wonder how many posts I will write about slow weight loss.  It is hard to come up with a new way to spin it except to say that weight loss slows down as you get smaller.  I am happy with my current weight.  Although I'd like to see a "normal" BMI (still 10.6 lbs. (4.8 kg.) away), I'd be fine if I never lost another ounce.  At this rate I won't see a normal BMI for quite some time!

So let's move on to something more interesting!  There is going to be another get-together in Eugene, Oregon for anyone who can make it on Saturday, March 5th.  I'll be there, Tina, Lap-Band Gal and Jen will all be there.  We're talking about meeting at P.F. Changs.  I'm so excited!  If you think you can make it, email me at amandakiska@yahoo.com.        

Monday, February 14, 2011

You asked, I answered!

In my first bandiversary post last week, I asked you to post any questions that you might have for me.  You guys came up with some great questions which saved me the trouble of coming up with a post topic for today.  Thank you!  So without further ado, here goes!

Tracy said...


I have questions....it goes with the my personal post a few days ago. What approach do you use with eating and having a band. So many people follow a strict diet with the band, still practicing the same habits they had pre-band. I honestly thought this phase of my life would be OVER. I am 2 months pre-band, 25 pounds down. I want to be realist about this and make the most of my investment. I want to be smaller and healthier. So Amanda....what do you eat? What do you do (calorie count or wing it???)

Do you want to know what I did when I was two months post-band or what I do now?  Let me start by saying that good restriction changes everything.  Until you've had a couple of fills, you are essentially dieting and it is much harder.  That's why they call that time Bandster Hell.  Once you have good restriction, it is much easier to limit your portions.  A cup of food is literally all I can eat most of the time now. 


My goal has always been NOT to diet.  I don't usually eat traditional "diet foods" like sugar free or fat free foods.  I eat full-fat cheese and even drink my coffee with a splash of real cream (and sugar).  I eat pizza, deep fried foods, real chocolate, pretty much whatever I want so long as it is eaten in moderation.  MODERATION is the key for me.  If I have a mocha from Starbucks during the day, I don't have a big lunch.  I typically only eat sweets on the weekends and I don't eat breakfast those days to keep the calories reasonable.  I eat an average of 1,350 calories per day - about 1,200 on weekdays and 1,500 on weekends. 


I do count calories at the moment, but I lost the bulk of the105 lbs. I'm down by NOT writing things down for the most part.  Once I had good restriction, I stopped recording and kept losing until I hit a plateau in January.  Then I started logging again.  I'm losing very slowly now.


Amanda said...


Happy Bandiversary!! How exciting! You look freaking awesome! I really enjoy your blog and your posts on whatever you choose to write about! On a selfish note i would love to see/know what you eat as I am struggling to come up with new ideas!


I am probably the wrong person to ask about what I eat because I think I am the ONLY lacto-ovo vegetarian bandster in Blogland.  But I know that meat causes problems for many bandsters so maybe this is something that would interest more than just a few people.  I am also not a very adventourous eater.  I eat the same things day after day.  Here's today's menu for an example:


coffee (with cream & sugar) 165 cals
greek yogurt 140 cals, 14 grams protein
veggie soup 50 cals
bread & butter 150 cals, 3 grams protein
protein shake 160 cals, 30 grams protein
chocolate covered strawberry 60 cals, 1 gram protein
cheese & brocoli quishe 285 cals, 12 grams protein
salad with blue cheese dressing 150 cals


Total 1,160 calories, 60 grams protein


For other vegetarian protein sources, I also like cheese (110 cals/oz., 7 grams protein), beans (100 cals./half cup, 14 grams protein), cottage cheese (100 cals/half cup, 14 grams protein), greek yogurt, cheese sticks (80 cals, 8 grams protein), meat replacement sausage patties (80 cals, 10 grams protein) and faux-chicken patties (220 calories, 18 grams protein).

Lyla said...




Happy anniversary :) You look amazing, even if your jeans are too big.


Question: what is your favorite thing that you do now that you never would have done pre-band?


This is a hard qustion for me.  I really tried not to let my weight get in my way.  I feel more confident now in everything I do, but I still struggle with reaching out of my comfort zone.  I have been acutely aware of this lately because I've drifted away from one of my best friends so I've been pretty lonely. I have a hard time trying to make my relationships more profound. 

Kerri said...



Happy Bandiversary! My Bandiversary is May 10th and I am at 60 lbs lost. I fear that I will not be at 100 lbs lost by my bandiversary. I really wanted that but binging and my addiction to ice cream has been an issue lately. I always look to the "success stories" (that means you) for guidance and support. What do you eat everyday? How much, how often do you exercise? What type of exercise? Congrats and please continue to blog, it does help us that are struggling.

Kerri, I won't mention how little I've lost in the last three months, lest it depress you.  Let's just say it is barely double digits.  The weight loss definately slows down.  But since I consider myself "at goal" it isn't too bad. 


I've already touched on what I eat so I'll answer the exercise question.


I want to start by saying that I've always exercised.  I think it is a stereotype that obese people are lazy and inactive.  Yes, I am more active now than I was, but I've always tried to incorporate physical activity into my life.


The bulk of my activity is walking.  I walk every day for at least 30 minutes.  I have a big dog and I live in the Pacific Northwest where rain is about the worst thing Mother Nature throws at us.  I usually walk in the morning before work.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I ride my bike to work (3.4 miles each way).  I also ride to church most Sundays (1 mile each way) and look for other opportunities to ride my bike during the week.  A few nights a week, I lift free weights while watching TV.  I also frequently walk in the evening after dinner. 


I love to exercise, but I really don't enjoy working out in a gym.  I've done two 5K's since I was banded.  I also like to swim, but I don't do that at the moment. 

Kristin said...



Congratulations! It's been a transformative year for you, by any measure.


I'd love to hear what you eat on a typical day, a really "good" day, and a day when you feel like you went way off track.

Kristin wants to hear about when I get off track.  One thing I can say about not having any "off-limits" foods is that I don't usually feel like I've gotten off-track.  I don't beat myself up for chosing foods that are less-healthy.


What I do beat myself up about is when I eat something at a time other than a regular meal-time when I'm not hungry or when I chose to have something extra that pushes my calories way up.  Looking back through my food journal I see a couple of days when I had over 1,700 calories.  Usually I had something like a cup of coffee from Starbucks and then didn't eat light to make up for the extra calories.  Or I'll have a snack after having a high-calorie lunch.  Every so often I will have extra sweets like yesterday when I had eight Thin Mint girl scout cookies (320 calories).  It happens!


But I do try to ENJOY the foods I eat.  I think a lack of satisfaction is a big part of why I used to overeat.  I didn't let myself enjoy the foods I ate.  I punished myself for my choices and I seldom let myself take pleasure if I had a treat.  Now when I have sweets, I chose good quality (no Hersheys, no candy bars) and I eat them slowly.  Sometimes I turn off the TV and concentrate on the taste.  So if you ever write a post about how you were so "bad" because you had Panda Express or a piece of pizza (or the cheese off a piece of pizza), I'll probably say something to the effect that there are no such things as "good" or "bad" food.  Food is nuetral and all things are allowed in moderation in a healthy diet. 

Joia said...



I want to know why I've lost about 105 pounds and I've only gone from a size 26/28 to a size 18. You suck. LOL! You're awesome, girl, and a constant source of inspiration...even if you think you're being repetitive. Sometimes? We need to hear the same message again.

Okay.  This isn't really a question, but I must respond!   I suspect the answer is that I stuff myself into the smallest size I can fit into.  And once I discover I fit into a smaller size I quickly stop wearing the larger sizes even if they still fit. 




 

Friday, February 11, 2011

First Bandiversary!

One year ago I was on a plane to San Diego to have my gastric banding surgery in Tijuana, Mexico.  I hadn't blogged for more than a week and didn't update again until February 16th.  I just realized this when I went back to re-read the posts I'd written right before my surgery.  And there weren't any.  I remember being afraid that someone would try to talk me out of my decision to have WLS.  I wasn't specifically worried I'd hear anything negative here in Blogland, but I just wasn't talking about my surgery. 

I wish I was feeling more inspiring as I write this post.  I love you all so much and I adore blogging, but I've had to really push myself to write lately.  I feel like everything I want to say I've either said before or it really only applies to me or it sounds too preachy or something.  I also hate that I sometimes get bogged down in issues (like my finances) that are not related to my weight loss or lap-band (although really everything in life relates in some way or another).

So for today I'll let some pictures do the talking.  Here's a before shot of me taken in December 2009 when I weighed 280 lbs. (127 kg.).
I'm now down 105 lbs. (47.6 kg.).  I weigh 175 lbs. (79.4 kg.).  I wish I'd worn something different today because I am wearing the jeans that I love that are two sizes too big.  But you get the idea.  Here I am this morning in my work bathroom:
I did think of something that I don't think I've mentioned before in this blog.  The farther along in this process I've gotten, the less "stuck" and PB issues I've had.  I might have a problem once or twice a month now.  There were time previously where I PBd practically every day.  It is nice that I've learned to eat the way my band requires. 

Also I tried on clothes yesterday and I FIT INTO A PAIR OF SIZE 10 JEANS!  Me!  I was a size 24 and now I'm a 10!  I can't believe it!

So since I'm having trouble coming up with something to write about (although this post has sort of gone on and one, hasn't it?), I would like to know what YOU want to know?  Ask me ANYTHING?  Do you want to know what I eat?  Do you want to know why I think diets are total BS?  Do you want to know if the carpet matches the drapes?  Do you want to hear more about my theory that the fatties are biologically superior to the skinnies?  Just post a comment with your questions and I will organize one or more posts answering them!
 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Weigh Day (Once Again)

Down 1 lb. (.45 kg.) this week for a total loss of 105 lbs. (47.6 kg.).  I now weigh 175 lbs. (79.4 kg.).  My BMI is 26.6 so I'm still overweight for another 11 lbs. (4.9 kg.) or so.

I wonder how much my extra skin weighs? 

Have a great Wednesday! 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Putting the "skin" in SKINNY!

All of the sudden my ass and thighs are nothing but loose, floppy skin.  How did this happen?  I posted near-naked pictures of myself on this blog in December.  One of the pics was of my ass and I was surprised that it didn't look too horrible.  Since then I've lost 4 lbs.  (1.8 kg.) and all the sudden I've got this going on? 
What the hell?  Where did my ass go?  Why do I now have a skin blanket?

I know we can't have "skinny" without "skin", but seriously people!

Friday, February 4, 2011

The "H" Word

Yesterday I used the "H" word.  "Happy".  I said I wasn't happy.  I was surprised when I typed those words.  Saying I'm not happy is such a loaded concept for me.  I was raised in an environment where being unhappy or admitting you were unhappy was viewed as an affront to God.  How dare you not be satisfied with what you've been given?  I don't think I was a very happy child.  I thought there was something wrong with me. 

I grew up.  I had relationships.  They didn't work out.  In anger I was called "crazy".  Being crazy was also a loaded concept for me.  I took Prozac for a while.  I had an eating disorder.  I went to therapy and treatment.  Did that mean I was crazy?

I grew up some more.  I got married.  I had kids.  I went to college.  I worked really hard in school and jobs.  If I ever stopped to question if I was happy or not, I would quickly say I was.   

I had weight loss surgery.  The big thing I believed that kept me from happiness, my weight and perhaps more importantly, a sense of normalcy with food, has finally been dealt with. Did it bring happiness?

Yes and no.  Yes, I love being a smaller size.  I love even more not being plagued by food demons.  I feel a great deal of peace in that issue.  But no, I don't "feel" different.  I'm still the same person.  My life didn't become perfect just because I lost weight.

Am I fundamentally unhappy?  No.  Do I sometimes experience bouts of dissatisfaction that lead me to write posts proclaiming my unhappiness?  Apparently.  Am I happy?  Yes, yes.  Usually I am.

Is it annoying when people use a ton of rhetorical questions to make a point?  Resoundingly, YES!

Do I wish things in my life were different?  Sometimes.  And this is where I get stuck sometimes.  I look at your lives and the lives of others around me and I think, "Gee, their husband has a full-time job."  Or, "They have enough money to sneak off for a weekend trip." or "They have health insurance." or "They get to take their kids to Disneyworld." or "They have beautiful homes."

But of course I know that you can't look at the lives of others and know how things really are for them.  No one's life is exempt from misfortune and pain.

So please disregard my post from yesterday.  I'm not unhappy.  I was under the influence of hormones.  I feel much better today.  I have everything I need and some things I want.  Who can ask for more than that?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

When weight loss doesn't change anything...

I didn't really believe that things would be different when I lost the weight.  I tried not to live my life in the future.  I didn't want to put things off until "someday" when I lost the weight.  I believed that I may never lose the weight and I was determined to live my life regardless of what size I was.  Or so I thought.

Maybe it's the inherent drama that's missing.  When I was fat I could fantasize about being thinner.  I could imagine a time when I would be happier.  Life would be better.  As I lost the weight, the excitement of losing was very motivating.  It punctuated my week.  I was either going to be weighing soon or had just weighed.  The whole process was invigorating.  I was having weight loss surgery!  I was losing weight!  I was no longer obese! I hit Onderland!  I hit 100 lbs. down! I posted near-naked photos of myself on the internet!

And now I'm thin.  My weight is changing slowly from week to week. 178.4, 177.6, 176.8, 176.0...

But life isn't any better.  I'm still me.  I still have arguments with my fella.  My kids are still sassy.  I have to scrimp and save to get by. Gas is more than $3.00 a gallon.  There's chaos in Egypt.  J.K. Rowling still isn't writing any new Harry Potter books. 

Maybe I have blizzard envy.  A good ol' natural disaster would certainly be more exciting than the clear and cold weather we've had in the Pacific Northwest.

I wish I had something to look forward to, something more exciting than same-ole, same-ole.  Vacation plans.  A day off.  Dinner out.  Anything!

I know money plays a big part of my apathy.  If I had extra money I could buy some new clothes (which I desperately need) or plan a trip or get a pedicure.  Hell, I could even go get a health exam without wondering how I was going to pay for it!  I don't mind being frugal most of the time.  I'm proud of how far I stretch my income.  I know many others are in the same boat or even worse.  I have everything I need and a few things I want.  But it gets so tedious to always have to count pennies and budget, budget, budget when something is coming up.  Like my daughter's 10th birthday on the 28th.  I've tucked away $30 for a gift for her.  I haven't planned a party yet because I don't know what kind of budget I'll have for that. 

I have the thing I've wanted for most of my life.  I have peace with my body, with food, my weight.  I have the very thing that I was sure would bring me happiness.  Why am I not happy?          

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I just don't know if I can watch Heavy

I've watched the first two episodes of the A&E show Heavy.  I wrote about it a few weeks ago.  Click HERE to read that post if you're interested.  I am thinking that I may not watch it anymore.  It just makes me too sad.  I think those people need WLS, not unrealistic exercise sessions with trainers who say things like, "No more chocolate cake!" as they work out.  I don't understand how they can sit down with the bariatric physician and surgeon and he DOESN'T suggest they have surgery.  On the last episode he said that one of the participants was not likely to be successful.  How can he in good conscious not offer a treatment option that improves those odds?

Changing the subject...Today's my weigh day and I'm down .8 lbs.  (.4 kg.).  Boy, it sure is hard to get excited about such slow losses!  But it's okay.  I'm happy with the weight I'm at (176 lbs. - 79.8 kg.) and a loss is a loss!

So what else?

I received some awards lately and I wanted to thank LDSwims and Mom2fourredheads for thinking of me.  It really makes my day to be honored in this way!

One thing that I can say about blogging for a year (my blog turned one yesterday) is that it can be difficult thinking of things to write about!  Hopefully I'll be more inspiring tomorrow!  Bye!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Happy first birthday to Amanda's Waning!

My blog is one year old today!  So much has changed since I made my first entry, entitled WLS in 10 days.   For one thing, NO ONE commented on my first post.  I had one comment (from Erika at Dirt Track Diva - love her!) on my second post which is actually a much more interesting post as it is my back-story.

I love blogging and I love all of you who have supported me and helped me over the last year.  I feel like I have a support group of sorts that is available 24/7!  When I've had questions, needed a shoulder to cry on or needed people to celebrate with, you've been here!

I've struggled with food addiction and disordered eating behavior since I was a kid.  I never remember a time when I felt "normal" around food.  At times I've binged, purged, starved, compulsively exercised, dieted, eaten normally, obsessed about what I eat, and been oblivious to what I eat.  I've counted calories, points, fat grams.  I've weighed and measured my food and written down every morsel that went into my mouth.  I've evaluated my self-worth based on a number on the scale, my size of clothes, and the person I saw when I looked in the mirror.  I've felt enormous at 118 lbs. (52.5 kg.).

I don't know why gastric banding "changed" me.  I understand the mechanics of why it helped with the weight loss, but I don't know why the obsession has been relieved to the extent that it has.  It's not perfect, not "normal", but my life is so much better!

Losing 100+ lbs. is great.  Wearing a size 12/medium is great.  Learning to have a more normal relationship with food is INCREDIBLE!